Lost Without You

Wow, last night was the end of one of the last shows from the '07-'08 TV season – Lost. Now, there is utterly, absolutely nothing on until July (when Mad Men is back), except for that one last episode of Lipstick Jungle hanging out on my DVR. I will miss you, Lost, until you return in January 2009 (!) Here’s what happened last night:

-We picked up where we left off in last season’s season finale, Jack McBeardy and Kate at the airport, talking about mystery man’s funeral. And the dead man is Jeremy Bentham? I smell new character!

-The castaways continue their various missions from 2 weeks ago – Jack looking for Ben and Locke, Sayid and Kate looking for Jack, a boatful of people looking for the freighter, Sgt. Jeter (as we call him, Keamy to you) looking for Ben and Locke, and Hurley looking for a place to whiz. Keamy has captured the surrendered Ben, Locke’s trying to figure out how the green house moves the island, and Hurley’s trying to figure out how these buried crackers stay so crispy.

-Meanwhile, all the Oceanic Six begin to get very paranoid due to a warning from Jeremy Bentham. Kate sees Claire’s ghost, Sun teams up with Caleb Nichol, I mean Bradford Meade, I mean Charles Widmore, Hurley plays chess with Mr. Ecko, Sayid is badass as ever, Jack is drunk, and Aaron is blonde. Oh, and Walt is a fully grown dude.

-Oh, and there’s a huge pile of Dy-no-mite on the freighter that leave Michael, Jin, and Desmond scratching their heads.

-So, Kate and Sayid team up with the other’s to rescue Ben, defining the phrase my enemy’s enemy is my friend. Once freed, Ben tells them, yeah, sure you can all leave now (wa wa wee wah?) Oh yeah, and I would double check Keamy, whom you just shot, because brother was wearing a bullet proof vest, fo shiz.

-Meanwhile, the other others (Daniel, Charlotte, and Miles) are all acting shifty. What do they know?

-Ben prepares to move the island using a giant microwave oven filled with metal. Keamy appears (told you) reveals his heart rate controls a bomb on the freighter and whoopsie, Ben kills him.

-In a cluster f@$%, Jack, Kate, Sayid, Sawyer and Hurley head to the about to be blowed up freighter on a fuel-leaking helicopter and need to dump weight (and no one looks at Hurley?) and Sawyer jumps. C’mon, we all know he woulda pushed Earthquake in real life. They land just in time to refuel and take off again, but manage to pick up Sun and Aaron, to her horror as Jin and Michael meet their maker (tear). Meanwhile, Ben has reached the fortress of solitude, turns a giant crank, and poof, the island is gone. Uh, what happened to Daniel and his latest batch of boaties? Juliet and Sawyer seem left to their own devices, with a bottle of Dharma rum and a wrinkle in time. That’s okay, because the Oceanic 6 plus Desmond and Frank find Penny’s boat (yay) and concoct some bullarky story about only the 6 of them surviving, to protect those on the missing island, which doesn’t make much sense since no one can find it anyway.

-And lastly, Jack McBeardy breaks into the funeral home where a scab-free Ben (for a change) tells him they all must return, all 6 of them. And, Jeremy Bentham is . . . .drumroll . . .John Locke?

Wow, gang, let’s talk about the next episode after we elect a new president.

Sex in My City

Got your Manolos ready? Today is the day – Sex in the City premieres at a theater near you at 12:01am tonight (in case you were in a coma the past few weeks and missed the constant stream of appearances from SJP to Evan “Harry Goldenblatt” Handler). From what I’ve heard, it’s living up to the hype, more so than Indy. I want to see it as early as possible this weekend so that haters don’t taint me. As much as I tried to ignore any Indy press, seeing negative headlines were inevitable. I want to enter Carrie’s world with a clean slate and the hopeful nature of Charlotte. I already expressed my hopes and dreams for the characters, based on the preview and I really hope nothing gets irrecoverably broken. I liked where the TV show ended and this better be good. So, even though I don’t have the expectations of others’, I seem to have my own. It’s hard not to get attached to characters over the course of a decade and you start to think you own them, like little fashionable paper dolls. But alas, I’m not driving this cab (unless I want to partake in some uber-geeky SATC fan fiction – oh you know it exists) and I have to trust Michael Patrick King wouldn’t go through all of this effort just to let me down (and I will hunt you down if you do). So, pack a flask of cosmos, wear your most comfortable stilettos, and get ready to settle in. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got 94 episodes to start watching . . .NOW!

Indiana Jones Raiding the Alien Temple of Doom During the Last Crusade

Ok, SPOILER ALERT (let’s get this over with). Don’t read this if you don’t want to know the plot details of the new movie. I didn’t want to be the one to give it away since it’s been as secretive as Area 51 (HINT HINT). So, all the cool kids have been hating on this movie, but I actually liked it. Does this make me a bad person? In this fourth installment, Indy goes in search of mystical crystal skulls with Marion and son (!) Mutt in tow (I would have loved the exchange “Don’t call me Junior, my name is Mutt.” “We named the dog Mutt.”) through Mayan temples in Peru (I know, problem right there). They are chased by a gang of Russian baddies led by Cate Blanchett (whose accent is a little messy) and when the skulls unite, the temple turns into a mashed potato mountain where the mothership beams up E.T. and his Speak n’ Spell. Yes, there are many unbelievable elements to the movie (such as Indy hiding from a mushroom cloud in a fridge) and a lot of people are bothered by the supernatural aspect of this movie. Uh, and the Ark of the Covenant melting Nazi faces or Mola Ram ripping people’s heart’s out is completely realistic? I liked how it had a very 50’s feel, down to the paranoia over Communism. I thought this movie had all of the elements of the previous movies that I loved (Action! Inside Jokes! Historical Fiction!) And, my favorite part was the motorcycle chase through the Marshall College campus as I’ve always been curious about that little seen part of Indy’s life. I also enjoyed the Jedi-esque jeep chase through the jungle as I was ducking in my seat from flying tires (either that or the guy kicking my chair made me paranoid. You know who you are buddy, fourth row, 9:30 show on 5/25 at the Loop.) Yes, Indy is disrespectful to the artifacts, but I feel like he gets a pass because he’s on a personal mission and not the usual trek for “fortune and glory”. I also liked how Indy and Marion are old and bloaty, but still kickin’ ass. Shia “The Motherf@*%!# Beef” LaBeouf did a good job channeling Brando and Dean. I smell new franchise! Mutt goes to Cuba, anyone?

Indiana Jones Revisited: The Last Installment

So I saw The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull this weekend. Before I get to that (mañana, amigos), I also finished my DVD project, rewatching all of my now obsolete boxed set. So, I watched 1989’s Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade this weekend. I like this one second (after Temple of Doom) for so many reasons, a major one being Sean Connery. Yes, we know he’s sketchy (after telling Barbara Walters “You have to schmack a women with an open fisht,”) but I still think he’s great with Harrison Ford in the movie. The banter between them is great, and the casting for Henry Jones Sr. could not have been more perfect. I also love the opening with River Phoenix, as young Indy. He not only does a dead-on Harrison Ford impersonation (maybe all that time spent together on the Mosquito Coast, an awesome movie if you haven’t seen it), but I’m a sucker for an origin story and we get the fear of snakes, the hat, the scar, and the whip all explained. Last, but not least, in full geek disclosure, was a little bit of a King Arthur buff in my youth, so I loved this pre-Davinci Code tale of the Holy Grail (though every time I hear the knight say “You have chosen wisely,” at the end, I think of the Burger King/ collectible cup movie promotion for which they used that sound clip). Yes, there’s a ton of implausibility and continuity issues, like in all the movies (such as the tomb flooded with kerosene, can you open your eyes under that?), but you have to sit back and enjoy the camel ride. Tomorrow, my thoughts on Crystal Skulls.

And the McSteamy Stands Alone

Whew – it was an exhausting but thorough episode of Grey’s Anatomy last night (warning – if you didn’t actually watch this episode, this post will be gibberish to you). In 2 hours, we wrapped up a ton and set the wheels in motion for next season. To recap, Meredith grew a backbone, served as a pimp with McDreamy to get a patient laid, actually tried to be good at her job for a change, visited her shrink (who apparently lives in her office 24/7 with no other patients), and then found 1 million candles to woo McDreamy. Phew. McDreamy wanted to then leave so he could break up with Nurse Rose and properly get down with Merry, but I say “Text the bitch!” On a side note, Merry (who decidedly is not) should have given crap to Derrick for being such an a-hole when brain cancer patient #1 died. Just ‘casue #2 lived doesn’t mean “I never want to see you again,” should be forgotten!

In other news, Ava/ Rebecca went to Crazytown, Karev has two mangerines, Yang perked up with the sparkle pager, put Hahn in her place, and then paid the teachin’ forward by making Lexi do a running whipstitch on a naner. George is hopefully going to be a real doc soon, Izzie also grew a backbone, Chief got the wife back (again?), Callie made out with Erica, and McSteamy stood alone (with thoughts of Callie and Erica to keep him warm). Oh, and the whole gang freed a kid from a chunk of cement. The best writing of the night was Bailey’s “seeing the big picture,” which seemed like a highly personal statement from creator Shonda Rhimes, who recently turned the keys of Private Practice (as Bailey turned the clinic over to Izzie) to someone else so she could focus on Grey’s (and it’s clearly paying off). The past few episodes have been stellar and back to why I first started watching this crap. So Lost ends next week, and then we move onto the summer reading list?

The Perils of Modern Technology

The Hubby was late coming home last night, so I had to put my Idol watching on hold (and get through the last episodes of Lipstick Jungle on the DVR instead. I’m powering through.) Anyway, I set and forget the DVR, avoided the internet, and yelled “Don’t speak!” into the phone when my parents called (to gloat, I assumed) at 9:59 (their Archie fans). At 10, we started the show, fast forwarding through select segments of the performances (like Donna Summer’s, Bryan Adam’s, and George Michael’s new songs, all of Nash & White). I suffered through a Love Guru commercial as I needed to see where it was going, but quite enjoyed the thinly veiled, bizarre Tropic of Thunder commercial where Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr served as Gladys Knight’s Pips (why did Jack Black’s pants come off at the end though?). So, 2 hours of singing, dancing, and blah, blah, blah from Ryan (not to mention parading out all of the disabled people they like to make fun of during the auditions process) it was 3 minutes away from the final results. Aww, Simon apologized to D-Cook (to save face, perhaps?) Then, some nerdy guy came out with an envelope; Ryan opens it slowly, and announced the winner is “David!” And then my recording ended on my DVR. Bam, just like that. What a dope, I didn’t extend it in case they went over (which they always do!). The good news is that if one technology lets you down, another will likely come to your rescue. In this instance, Youtube. I got to watch the whole thing from where I left off, from where Ryan said “COOK!” (totally unexpectedly). There were tears, a look of utter disappointment from the Archuletta family, and by God, the winning original song! Sigh. It was all I hoped and dreamed (it included the words from the cliché generator rainbows, moment, living out loud. Awesome!). Thank you Youtube! Now, let’s see if Cook goes the way of a little blonde country singer or a gray haired soul singer (Soul Patrol!)!

Your American Idol

Now that we have a female DWTS champ (Yay Guch!), it is time to turn our attention to the other big contest in the country (no, not Hilary vs. Barrack) American Idol. This is very important as the winner will be “crowned” tonight and go on to fame and fortune with a record contract, while the loser must clean the bathrooms at the Nokia Center, and er, probably get a record contract too. So, let’s recap. D-Cook was great as usual, adding emotional heft to U2’s "I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For", "Some Song We Never Heard Of", and Collective Soul’s "The World I Know". Simon was Mr. Poopy Pants and crapped all over he latter two performances, Randy told him he could sing the phone book, dawg, and Paula did her signature edition open-palmed clap and told him he was standing in his “truth” (ohhhh-kay). David “Mon Chi Chi” Archuletta belted out Elton John’s "Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me", "Another Song We’ve Never Heard Of", and John Lennon’s "Imagine". Randy told him he could sing the phone book, dawg, Paula gave him the open-palmed clap, and Simon proclaimed him the winner, all the while Archie tried not to projectile vomit on the stage (which would have been awesome, no?). He was probably afraid that his Danny Bonaduce look-alike dad would beat him after the show. I tried to vote for my boy D-Cook all night, but got a busy signal (and had a nightmare last night that I accidentally dialed for Archie), but I think Archie will win. I think a special award needs to go to D-Cook’s stylist as that boy used to look all Panic at the Disco! at the auditions. Either way, I predict success for both, and a few last Itunes downloads later today for me!

Unnecessary Duets

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend lately – Maroon 5 doing the duet thang. I really think it’s unnecessary. Adam Levine sings just fine on his own, and his songs aren’t written (by him) as duets. First, Sarah Evans and the 5 teamed up for a night of CMT’s Crossroads. It was fine and they were good (Adam did his best to flirt with Sarah and make her seem more MILFy), but it would have been better as a boys-only show. Now, they’ve re-recorded “If I Never See Your Face Again” with Rihanna. Really? That song was just fine on the album. Is Rihanna that powerful in the music biz that they need her muscle to move albums? Did the suits think Maroon 5 was lacking a feminine touch? The same thing happened with the Black Eyed Peas – I liked them much more before some chick named Fergie (who?) joined the group. Sure, they’re a household name now, but who needs success over artistic merit? If the duet comes together naturally, like Justin and Madonna, that’s cool. I just don’t like it tacked on as an afterthought. So, in the tradition of good, well-planned duets, such as Jack White & Loretta Lynn or Alicia Keys and Usher, who would you like to see team up?

Indiana Jones Revisited Part Deux: Temple of Doom

I know a lot of people do not like the second installment of the Indiana Jones series. It gets the same critique as Return of the Jedi – too cutesy, too slapstick. As this movie is the one I remember the most out of the three from my childhood, I have a special place for it in my heart. And, I call on it for inspiration to this day – when I get into a tight spot, I chant "Om Nam Shiva,” just like the guy being lowered into the fire pit. I can see the criticism though. It’s much goofier compared to 1 & 3, which are mostly serious with a few moments of comedy. And yes, Kate Capshaw as Willie is shrieky and not at all badass like Marion, but all the girls can’t be Indy clones (plus, it helps to shtupp the director!) Oh, and Short Round is one step above an Ewok, but he’s Data from Goonies, for cryin’ out loud and that makes him awesome. Here are some other things I noticed:

-The second installment is actually a prequel to Raiders of the Lost Ark, as it is set in 1935, one year before Raiders.

-Did I always know the Dan Akroyd is in the opening sequence? He’s the one the gets Indy on Lao Che’s plane.

-The nightclub at the beginning of the move is “Club Obi Wan”

-Could this movie be just a tad insulting to the people of India because it insinuates that Indian food is bugs, snakes, and monkey brains? Everyone now knows Indian food is delicious, but did people think it was hilarious in the 80’s because they though it was true?

-Short Round likens stepping on bugs to stepping on fortune cookies. In 1935, Short Round wouldn’t know what a fortune cookie was if he was a street thug living in China as they were invented in California less than two decades before. I’m just saying.

-Don’t the costumes and makeup of the Thuggee Cult seem more South Pacific island than Indian?

-The mine care sequence goes on for way too long, just like the racing sequence with Anakin in The Phantom Menace.

-Even though the special effects could be better, the bridge sequence is still pretty awesome.

-What’s cooler – Mola Ram’s bare-handed-hear-ectomy or the “Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique” from Kill Bill?

Okay, two down, one to go!

On another note, Happy Birthday Chewbacca! Peter Mayhew is 64!

Old Kids on Today’s Block

My post today is late because I had to get up sooooooo early this morning to catch NKOTB on the plaza (8:45). That’s right – the New Kids on the Block performed for the throngs of lonely middle-aged woman at Rockerfeller Center on the Today Show this morning. It seemed like a bad omen because it was raining biblical proportions. Overweight women in tight homemade t-shirts had been lining up for days to catch a glimpse of their favorite man band. Despite the rain, the show went on. The Kids looked good – all fit and groomed (Jordan lost his Surreal Life paunch). It was very difficult to hear how they sounded because the Today Show was having audio problems and the levels seemed to go up and down throughout the songs and vary by mike. But, they still have style; they were once again rockin’ the vest, which is funny seeing vests were big last time they were around. The dance moves also haven’t changed in 20 years, but at least we can all dance along at home. They performed the big hits, “Hangin’ Tough”, “Please Don’t Go Girl”, and the long forgotten “Tonight.” They also performed their new song “Summertime,” which is no Timberlake (or Timbaland) style hit, but they get points for trying. So, get your nostalgia while it lasts this summer. Because I’m sure they’ll be back to their day jobs (reality shows and real estate) before the leaves change, but we’ll have a lot of fun in the meantime.

Please Give Jerry O’Connell a Job

I’ve been worried about Jerry O’Connell lately. Ever since Carpoolers was cancelled, he doesn’t . . .seem . . .to . . .have . . .much . . to . . .do. He can’t ride his tandem bike with his supermodel wife because she actually has a job on Ugly Betty. Instead, he’s been spending his time spoofing Tom Cruise on the interwebs or appearing on Howard Stern’s Celebrity Superfan Trivia contest (he lost to Jimmy Kimmel and Jeff Probst; I got every question correct while playing along at home). Well, word has come as part of the network upfronts this week that he will be part of The Inn, the new Jason Batemen directed show on Fox (or Arrested Development methadone as BWE calls it). Glad to see Jerry will be busy again. Now you have to watch the show to keep kim outta my hair and off the streets. And can we just say for the record that I never expected he was going to be the hot one from Stand By Me? I had my money on Wil Wheaton.

I Don’t Eat Gerunds

I’ve decided I’m adding a new restriction to my diet – I no longer will eat a gerund. A gerund is a verb’s action noun, which uses the –ing form. I’ve seen it in mass produced food titles and descriptions way too much lately. First, McDonald’s new Southern Style Crispy Chicken Sandwich is served on a “buttery-tasting roll.” I don’t want my sandwich to be tasting anything. Why is it "buttery tasting" and not just buttery? Is that because it’s a non nutritive food additive causing the taste? Then, there’s new McCormick Crusting Blends. They are an herb and breadcrumb mixture to crust chicken breast. But really, do I want my food crusting? Isn’t that traditionally a bad thing? Isn’t crusting something that happens to scabs? You know what’s another gerund? Food poisoning. So, I think it’s safe to say I’m avoiding all foods containing –ing. Next up, adjectives, such as Bagel-fuls (is that like helpful or careful?).

This American Nerd

I’ve always had an aversion to NPR. People keep telling me how cool it is. I used to hear my co-workers go on and on about Car Talk, but it always sounded like Delicious Dish from SNL (today’s topic: Rice), but with transmission fluid instead of salt. My only previous experience with NPR was being stuck in a Berkshires B&B without TV (no CNN!) and it was the only station we could tune in on the little clock radio. It was okay, but it felt like a caveman version of modern cable. Well, I’ve been hearing so long about how good This American Life was. The new season began last Sunday on Showtime, so I DVR’d it. I figured if I liked it, maybe Public Radio wouldn’t be so bad after all. We just got around to watching it last night, and I’m already hooked. Ira Glass, the host, is my dream combination of Mark Cohen from Rent and Edward Norton – geeky cool (but a teeny bit old). And the stories were so captivating – cowboys in urban Philadelphia, a disabled man struggling to gain independence from his mother. It’s all so beautifully shot and edited. It’s getting a series recording on my DVR right now. So, maybe a little later, I might check out a little Sirius NPR in between Howard Stern’s commercial breaks. Can Garrison Keillor be too far off?

Indiana Jones Revisited: Part 1

As I mentioned before, I’m prepping for the May 22 release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crytsal Skull (phew, what a mouthful) with a revisitation of the former trilogy. I started with Raiders of the Lost Ark, obvs. I was struck by Harrison Ford’s youth and handsomeness (could you imagine if he was your foxy Intro to Anthology prof?). 20 years does make a big difference, but he still looks good. And then I realized that I don’t think I ever paid attention to this movie before. I’ve owned the now soon-to-be-obsolete box set for a while now, watched this movie amidst scrapbooking marathons (don’t judge), and realized this weekend, I had no idea what was going to happen next. The only part I remembered was when the nazis’ faces melt at the end (scared the crap outta me when I was a kid). Karen Allen (Marion) was less annoying than I remember her (I think I merged her and look-alike Margo Kidder’s Lois Lane together in my mind). And that scene in her bar? Where she’s drinking a guy under the table to the cheers of the other patrons? I never knew that Charlie’s Angel 2: Full Throttle was spoofing that (duh). And it wasn’t nearly as boring as I remembered either. Still, I hold fast that it is my least favorite to date – the fight choreography isn’t crisp enough and Indy is still a rough sketch that gets filled in in subsequent movies. So, stay tuned as I work my way through Temple of Doom and Last Crusade! The race is on!

Top TV Moms Right Now

Since it’s Mother’s Day and everyone is doing one of these lists, I figured I’d give you the Top TV Moms Right Now. Sure, you can find a list extolling the virtues of Donna Reed, Carol Brady, and Mrs. C., but who are the all-star moms in today’s mom-less environment (they keep killing ‘em off on Lost, and if only the boys on Entourage had a mom to answer to):
-Allison Dubois (Medium) – Sure, her family lives in constant fear she’ll attack them in the middle of the night reenacting one of her crazy dreams, but she does the best she can. She was working part-time for the District Attourney’s office while shuttling the kids back and forth from school, but now that neither her or husband Joe have a job, she seems to be working for free! They should take up a collection at the precint since Allison seems to do most of the work for Phoenix’s finest. In her sleep.
-Nora Walker (Brothers & Sisters) – Yeah, she may drink a little too much and spout of political rhetoric, but whose mom doesn’t? She graciously opened her home to her late husband’s bastard child and puts up with the nonsense of her five grown kids, all well remembering to take her Boniva.
-Lynette Scavo (Desperate Housewives) – Lynette may be raising a herd of future felons, but she’s recovering from cancer, running the family pizza shop with man-baby husband Tom, and fighting off the advances of sexy chef Jason Gedrick. Sounds like she’s got a pretty full plate. Lynette, it’s never too early to think military school.
-Martha Stewart – As I watch this show every morning, one thought runs predominantly through my head – thank God she ain’t my mother! Alexis seems to keep a safe distance from her mother, yet still manage to mooch off her radio channel on Sirius. We need people like Martha to make all of us feel inadequate (in the time I’ve been blogging, she already fed the chickens, made a pie, and hot glued gardenias to her dogs).
-Margene Henrickson (Big Love) – It’s got to be difficult to be the youngest of three sister wives. In fact, Margene sometimes seems like an additional child more than a wife. But, with two in her brood, and another on the way, this youngster helps first wife Barb keep the Henrickson ship afloat, and puts up with second wife Nicki, all while maintaining the sense of spunk tht caught Bill’s eye in the first place. I think Bill needs to buy her a puppy or something – she seems a bit lonely.
-Betty Draper (Mad Men) – Is the classic mom – she smokes and drinks while pregnant, can mix a mean martini, and keeps the house spotless all before Don arrives home on the 6pm train (unless he’s hanging out with one of his mistresses that night). I do worry about Betty, as prozac wasn’t invented yet in 1960. But hopefully she’ll settle down, take a macramé class and discover Erica Jong.
-Mrs. Mosby (How I Met Your Mother) – I don’t know what to think of Ted’s wife as I haven’t met her yet. But she will be Legen . . . . . wait for it . . . .Awesome!

Ellen Teaching Us Kids the New Slang

Thank God for Ellen Degeneres. In the last few weeks, as part of a “What the Helll Are These Kids Talking About” segment on her show, she has explained to me and the other white ladies in the world what some of the new slang means. In the past weeks, we have learned what Shawty (a female, not necessarily of short stature), Boo (as term of affection for a male or female), and “Drop It Like It’s Hot” (actually, she didn’t really know). This week’s show featured the vocab phrase “honky tonk badonkadonk,” which is good because I had no idea how that was spelled (I believe it’s a country behind). This hearby serves as a notice to the rap community to stop using these phrases – they are officially dead after having been introduced to middle America (as “bling” was corrupted so long ago). If my mom knows what a badonkadonk is, it’s over. This belongs on StuffWhitePeopleLike.com -- #101 Talking Like a Black Person. Next up, my mom uses “Riding Dirty” in a sentence and calls the next-door neighbor a “chicken-head.”.

And continuing with our theme, here’s a classic clip called “Stewardess, I Speak Jive!”

Josh Groban’s New Street Cred

I’ll admit it – back around 2002 I was what you would consider a “Grobanite.” I thought Josh Groban had an amazing voice and I liked his contemporary spin on Opera classics, as well as his heart-tugging original songs (there’s never a dry eye when he sings “To Where You Are” live). He brought warmth to my cold, hard heart. Then, a little red headed man came along and changed everything – Clay Aiken. I was also stirred by his rendition of “Vincent” (also covered by Groban) on American Idol (even though he forgot the words) and I quickly threw my support to Aiken, over eventual winner Rueben. Clay seemed like a nice kid with a good voice and fluttery lashes. But then, after the show was over, things started to happen. He started to get kind of weird and hit the flat iron too hard. And, I started noticing only menopausal women like Clay Aiken. I lost total interest and my love for Josh Groban was taken down in the process. I was no longer a Claymate or a Grobanite. Suddenly, Josh Groban seems to be back. First, he earned total street cred for appearing in the Jimmy Kimmel/ Ben Affleck video (a performance laced with utter profanity). Now, he’s made People Magazine “Most Beautiful People” list (it’s not that crazy – he did used to date January Jones, aka Mrs. Don Draper on Mad Men). Groban is heavy on the cheez whiz, but he doesn’t seem to take himself too seriously. I don’t think I’ll be running out to buy Awake Live (his new album) anytime soon, but maybe I won’t fast forward next time “For Always” comes up on the shuffle. In between hot flashes.

Brothers & Sisters, In Love (Ewww)

On Brother’s & Sisters, Rebecca and Justin have been building up a season of sexual tension. It’s been building and building into what could be a delicious season finale resolution. The one problem with this scenario? Until this Sunday, Rebecca and Justin thought they were brother and sister (ewwwwwwwww). I think (and please correct me if I’m wrong), this is the first primetime TV show to ever dable with this level of incest (the twisted family tree on the OC not counting as Ryan was adopted and Marissa would only have been his step-aunt, as was Lindsey). So, edgy, yeah you can say that. I don’t think it was initially intentional, though. When Justin hit it off with his similar in age long lost half-sister, Rebecca, I don’t think the producers knew that actors David Annable and Emily VanCamp would end up dating and real-life, therefore bringing an unexpected chemistry to the small screen. Thankfully, they’ve decided to go with it and Rebecca and Justin just found out they do not share a father and they’re allowing the sparks to officially fly (and you don’t feel so dirty after every episode). They’re free to hit it, residual emotional scarring aside. Still, if they get married, the holidays should be interesting, but par for the course for the Walker clan.

They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

Happy Cinquo de Mayo. So I was watching the Kentucky Derby this weekend, and to make it interesting, The Hubby and I decided to pick a horse to root for. Big Brown (or Hot Brown as I called him, like the sandwich, or something far grosser) seemed like the obvious choice and therefore boring. All day, I had I Can Hear the Bells from Hairspray stuck in my head, so I decided to cheer on Eight Belles. The Hubby went for Cowboy Cal (maybe because it sounds like a Pee-Wee sidekick?). Well, it was a great, short race with Hot Brown galloping to victory. But Eight Belles was right behind and came in second. Yay, so exciting. Well, not a minute later, we realize Eight Belles was hurt and they’re bringing the horsey ambulance. Before we found out what the problem even was – Eight Belles had been euthanized on the track. What?! You killed my horse? What a freakin’ let down. Who cares about Hot Brown now as the whole race has turned into a Hot Brown Mess. Does that mean that I know how to pick a winner or what? First, place wins a set of steak knives, second place gets shot! Sheesh. Rest in peace Eight Belles (which incidentally is a play on words. “Eight bells” signify the ends of sailor’s watch on a ship). Oh, and Cowboy Cal came in 9th, fyi.

P.S. In the spirit of My Kentucky Weekend (you’re going to have to wait until Wednesday for the Derby Pie and Hot Brown sandwiches due to my busy schedule this weekend and burritos today, ole!) including a viewing of Elizabethtown (not the best movie, but I get it, and we’ve all known failure in our lives), here’s a winner of a song from My Old Kentucky Blog, a super-cool remix of Josh Ritter’s Rumors.

Skin Cancer is Hot!

Hey all, it’s skin cancer awareness month, so you need to do what all the cool kids are doing and see your dermatologist for a screening. And if the doctor does find something fishy, fear not, it’s “in” right now. Anderson Cooper, Ewan McGregor, Nicole Kidman , and John McCain are all sporting scars. Cindy Crawford, Laura Bush, Eric Dane, Cybill Shepherd, and Elizabeth Taylor have all had brushes with it in the past.

Oh, and don’t forget about moi.

Marcia Cross and Kristen Bell are even serving as hot spokesmodels for Olay and Jergens to promote their respective sunless tanning lines.

So, get screened, wear suncscreen (like the song says), and just say no to tanning beds.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by Coldsake.

Summer TV, Where Are You?

Now that my favorite network shows are coming to their season finales (suddenly, it seems, after just coming back from the writer’s strike), what am I going to watch this summer? Usually, HBO has a good pack of summer shows ready to go when the lights are off at The Office for the season. So, what’s going on with my favorite shows?

Big Love
Now that the real-life FLDS compound has been raided, what is the fate of the Hendrickson Clan (the only family that makes polygamy not seem so icky)? Well, thank you strike, but the word is October/ November! Yikes, guess I just have to pull up a bucket of popcorn and squint at CNN (pretending one of the ladies in a prairie dress is Nicki). (Ed. Note (that’s me) Don’t go near the Big Love Forumns on HBO.com. Under the Season 3 Thread, where you would expect a date, people are arguing over the fundamental similarities between tables and strippers. Hmmm.) But, do feel free to take the “Which Sister Wife Are You” Quiz (I’m somehow a Nicki – not!)

Entourage
What have Vince, E, Drama, Turtle and Ari been up to (besides trying to pick up beautiful women and sitting courtside?) Well, we’ll find out this fall too. In the meantime, you can dress like a douchebag from the HBO store (can I start a petition to oficiallt retire “Hug It Out Bitch?” We especially don’t need it on a sweatshirt).

Tell Me You Love Me
As this show was practically soft porn, I’m embarrassed to admit I kinda liked it (except for the young girl, who I always wanted to punch in the face. Dunno). I’m not even sure how they can have a second season – two threads were tied up and one wasn’t. Will they bring in a whole new cast for marriage therapy (or just merge this with In Treatment)? Season 2 has been confirmed, but no word on when (and, thank God, there’s no games for you to play on the HBO website. Eww).

Enough with HBO, now. What about AMC (a channel previously dedicated to Jaws and One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest)?

Mad Men
My last memory of Mad Men was throwing up on Labor Day from drinking too many Dark n’ Stormies (ughhh, ginger beer). So, I forget where the show left off, but I do know that (Spolier!) Peggy had a surprise baby, Don Draper was mysterious as ever, and Mrs. Draper is going bananas. I found out that (wait for it) . . .

. . . Season 2 premieres in July (hooray, finally something to do this summer!) Now I must go delete all the unwatched episodes of Lipstick Jungle on my DVR and make some room!