Ben vs. Gary: The Gropey Brothers

There’s been a lot of buzz this week about Gary Busey accosting Jennifer Garner on the Oscar Re Carpet last Sunday. Here’s is the clip if you need a refresher:

So, what your saying is it’s wrong to abuse your celebrity and grope a female who you barely know? Hmmm, I guess Jen shouldn’t see this clip then:


P.S. Does anyone have the clip when Busey mauled Robin Quivers on The Howard Stern Show a few years ago? Brother should be on a leash.

Hello, Lover: Sex and the City Movie Preview

The preview for the Sex and the City movie has just been released and I'm so excited for May. My idol, the beautifully flawed, Carrie Bradshaw, a blogger before her time, is back. I so hope the movie is good. It seems the theme of the preview is undoing everyone’s fairytale ending established in the series finale. I hope they do’t ruin everything. I am a self-professed sap and I like the fairytale ending. The reason I watch SATC is the fantasy: single girls living in New York, beautiful clothes, men falling at their feet. Michael Patrick King, I implore you – don’t break everything on me. I want the big Big wedding, Miranda and Steve to stay together, Charlotte to have a baby, and Sam to keep doing her thing (hmmm, definitely seems to be the weakest plot of the characters). So, here’s permission to the SATC team – you can break it, but just make sure you put it back together 120 minutes later. Does this mean my box setis now irrelevant?

Word of the Day: Asshat

The other day, I was watching an DVR’d episode of No Reservations: Tuscany and Anthony Bourdain mentioned someone was an “asshat.” I thought it was strange – I had never heard that word before and he usually doesn’t censor himself that much, even on the Travel Channel (they usually just bleep out the really bad stuff). Then, later on, while I was watching Eli Stone, his brother said the same word (!) I assumed it was TV’s way of making up a nonsense word that sounds like a curse, like when they say someone is a “motherlover” on edited re-runs of Dexter on CBS. I had to look it up, to see if this is a real word. At the UrbanDictionary.com , I discovered it is indeed a real word: “One who has their head up their ass. Thus wearing their ass as a hat.” I love it – it’s a word that’s needed to convey that idea. So now I have a word to describe Donald Trump: asshat.

Willy Wonkette

I feel like I've seen Barack Obama's outfit before.

Hmmmm, where could it be? Oh, I know:

SNL is Back, Baby!

My apologies in advance as I said I would not talk about the Oscars again, but this clip from Saturday Night Live is just too good:


Ah, what the hell, make that posting a double, bartender:


Good to see you again, Tina.

Hole-ey Crap! That’s Where I Know Him From!

A shout out to my favorite website, Best Week Ever, for pointing this out to me. Did you know that Oscar Winner, Glen Hansard, from the movie Once, was Outspan in the Commitments? That’s why he looked so familiar!

Noah’s Bio Vault

I saw an article on Yahoo Green (where you even aware of this section? I wasn’t) about a Doomsday Vault (!) Wawaweewa, a Doomsday Vault? That‘s creepy! Basically, it’s a vault near the North Pole that will hold at least one of every seedling in the world. In case of worldwide disaster. Yikes. It sounds like something out of a movie. It kind of sounds like a dumb idea, because if something bad happens, to wipe out all the plants on Earth, what would make you think you could grow stuff if you just had more seeds? Clearly, all the plants are gone. Will there be bees to fertilize these new plants, nevermind people to plant them? I figure it was just the crazy Norweigians, who own the vault, being paranoid. Then it got weirder – there are vaults all around the world, but this is to replace “gene vaults in both Iraq and Afghanistan destroyed by war and a seed bank in the Philippines annihilated by a typhoon.” You mean other people thought this would be a good idea, too? So, all the plants are gone and we assume there is at least one person left to go get more seeds. How is this person supposed to get all the way to the North Pole? It’s not somewhere you can just take the M5 bus to, people. Or does this assume everything will be all melty and the walk to the North Pole will be a pleasant stroll (or swim)? Where’s Jake Gyllenhaal from that global warming movie , when you need him? Can I have a Mapquest route to this place, just in case it's just me that left and I'm hungry?

Kimmel's Revenge

I watched this 3 times before I realized -- "is that Brad Pitt?"

Last Mention of Oscars, Honest to Blog

The Oscars are now over and today is the Boxing Day of the Oscar Christmas. After this brief wrap-up, I promise I won’t mention awards shows again until next year, or at least until the Emmys. Some brief thoughts:

• No major surprises last night, except for Tilda Swinton winning Best Supporting Actress (in my opinion). Is that what you think is best, academy? Really? Really.
  
• The festivities were shorter than in past years, which was nice to stay on the bedtime schedule, but kinda took the wind out of Oscar’s sails. Not sure if this was strike induced as they didn’t have enough time or budget to prepare, or they just wanted to simplify this year and cut some bloat.
  
• Jon Stewart was good, but his opening was a little weak. He had some good in-between jokes, though.
  
• I’m going out to buy me a red dress for my next awards show.
  
• Okay, off to clean up the cheese rinds in the sink and rearrange my Netflix queue!

Oscar Blog 2008

11:49 Here we go -- the big enchillada. And the Oscar goes to -- No Country for Old Men! Yay, got it right. 15/24! Hubby gots 13. I win! Sushi it is, and we're out at 11:52. Seacrest out!

11:43 At the rate of 10 minutes per award, we're coming in around midnight, tie breakers! Marty! I've missed him. Ok, my moolah is on the Cohens. Do they get one award or two? Yay, they won. 14/23 (not shabby). Did anyone notice if Mya Rudolph was there with PT? Are they still together? Frances McDormand looks nice and she just wolf-whistled for her hubby (one of the brothers, not sure which).

11:32 Best Actor is up next. Dang, we'll be done before minight, a new record. I miss the dance number though. And the gratuitous opening number. Helen Mirren is wearing red (how predictable at this point). My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard. Clooney doesn't have a chance (sorry he's playing Clooney, big whoop). Daniel Day is gonna win for the second time, unless Johnny gets a Lifetime Acheivement Award (nice to see he joined us from France). Hey, Charlize, you have been around, haven't ya? Tommy Lee, eh. Viggo gets a special full frontal honorary Oscar (previous winners included Kevin Bacon). And the Oscar goes to . . . .Daniel Day Lewis! MILKSHAKE! And he's said something about a Golden Sapling from the Head of PT Anderon. Oh---kay. Fun fact, Arthur Miller is his late Father-in-Law. And his kid's name is Cashew.

11:27 Jones, Indiana Jones. I noticed Harrison Ford was sitting with gal pal Ally McBeal. Odd couple, but whatever works. Ok, Original Screenplay! I want Diablo to win just to hear the speech. Yay, and she does. Leopard print, grrrr. She's like a raven-haired Judy Greer. Shout out to little Ellen Page (keep Jack away from her too). Wow, she's crying. Not the tough-as-nails ex-stripper I pegged her to be. More of the heart-of-gold varietal. Nice. Oh, and that makes it 12/20 me, 9/20 hubby (mmmm, tekka maki).

11:25 Okay, we got screenplay, actor, director, and picture left. The air is alive with electricity (that, and I just spilled asti spumanti on the keyboard). And, Fillet O' Fish is back at McDonald's. It's a Lenten Classic! Hubby just came into the room with a final "I. Drink. Your. Milkshake!" We're retiring the phrase tomorrow.

11:19 Best Doc Feature -- Sicko doesn't have a chance (sorry, Mike). But, it is an upset with Taxi to the Dark Side! I had No End in Sight (a lot like this show, hey-o!) 11/19.

11:16 Live from Bag-DAD (in the words of Tom Hanks). Best Doc Short is -- Freeheld! EW is back and I'm 11/18 (I guess I can't catch up at this point, huh?) The winners are soaking their Depends on stage.

11:12 Amy Adams (who's getting a lot of screen time tonight) just made a Jaws joke, and I jumped under my coffee table (my one true phobia). Ok, Best Score. Atonement! We both got that one, 10/17.

11:06 Hilary Swank has become british too. Yay! Parade of the Dead time! I got nervous when they showed that clip from Hook. I was like "All those kids died? What were they doing together?" Then I realized it was for the makeup artist. Whoops. Parade is a bit thin this year, 'cept for Heath. R.I.P., bro.

10:57 Ahh, snack break and pee break, sorry. Oh, and Marketa got to say her bit (Iwas waiting for schtick for a second). Ha, Cameron Diaz is such an idiot. We got a race here as I say Blood, Hubby says Old Men. I winnn!!!!!!!!!!!! Suck on it, love of my life! 9 outta 16 (he's got 7).

10:54 Jon Stewart just slammed him. Jon! I'm so happy for Glen and Marketa. Oh, and that's 8 out of 15. Nice.

10:50 Jon Travolta just made a dandy entrance, and then almost fell. Ha! Say it with me -- Once, Once, Once! And, a sudden thought, why wasn't Juno nominated? Huh. Anyway . . .Once wins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was the category I cared most about. In the tradition of Eminem and Three 6 Mafia, Glen Hansard and Irina somethingorother are now OSCAR WINNERS! An amazin ting (in his words).

10:46 Hi McDreamy. Wow, the production values keep getting bigger and bigger. Sung by Jon McLaughlin. No shit, really? I met him at work a few months ago when he was hawking his CD. Nice guy, but I didn't think anyone else was aware. Cool, I'm a stalker.

10:43 Oh, Penelope is there? Why isn't she with Javier? Besto Foreigna filmo. There's a movie from Kazakhstan? VERY NICCCCCEEE! Great success. And the Counterfeiters wins. Yay, back in the game, 7 outta 14.

10:39 Nicole Kidman is straining to show her baby bump. She might pass a kidney stone by accident. Did she just give an honorary Oscar to Donna Reed? I'm confused. Robert Boyle, where did I get Donna Reed from? Too much champers. Man, he can talk. When does the Debbie Allen dance number start? That's it -- snack time!

10:30 Renee got her hair fixed. Awwww Bourne wins Best Film Editing. Matt Damon, why must you vex me so! Where was I? Oh yeah 6/13. That's less than 50%. Sucks. But, so far, I'm, still having a sushi dinner in a few weeks. Jon got it right when he said someone just advanced in their Oscar pool based on a guess.

10:24 Jaaaaack! He took the sunglasses off tonight. Who does he pay to get the best seat in the house? Showing a Best Picture montage of all the winners ever. Now, my Netflix queue will be stuffed because there are some many I need to see. Marty! On the Waterfront! Yikes!

10:20 What is Colin Farrel rambling about? Oh, it's Once. I've been waiting all night! Perfection. They look like two kids at the prom. And she's not wearing a bra.

10:17 Rocco Dispirito was just in a Bertolli commercial, and I must say he looks svelte. But, he's still a douchebag. Just a thinner douchebag.

10:10 Best Actress montage (what's Charlize been up to?) The hubby effed up his ballot and picked Cate, I'm going with Marion, Julie will probably win. Arrgggg, there's no way Marion can't win, she was amazing. And she shaved her hairline. Ellen "it's-an-honor-to-be-nominated" Page. And the oscar goes to Marion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whooooo hooooo. 6/12 biatches. (5/12 hubby). Marion is at a loss as she's just said all the english words she knows. Love, life, cats. Sounds like me in Montreal.

10:02 And, we're back with an Angelina Jolie pregnancy joke. And two white guys with 'fros (Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen). Sound Editing. Hmmm, I said Transformers, I hope I don't regret it . . and I do. Bourne Ultimatum. EW is fired. And I'm 5/11. And the guy that just won is wearing a bike lock for a tie (hey-oh and she hits her stride). Oh, and Best Sound Mixing (same thing, right? I'm screwed). It's a two-fer. The hubby says "everything sounds great to the Bourne Ultimatum." (which is why I don't let him blog). And a Halle Berry kissing joke. Rim-shot. And a somber dedication (awww).

9:53 A fun little mini-film about accounting (snooorrrre). Ugghhh Hannah Montana. How did she get a ticket? Is she trying to young up the awards at 10PM. On a school night? Oh, right, she works for Disney. Who owns ABC. Nepotism. A least this number has a little more production value. And the lady from the show we call "The Pie Maker" is singing ("Pushing Dasies?"). Ooh wow, big backflip. Sounds like "Under the Sea" though.

9:48 Josh Brolin and James McAvoy -- is this the shut-out awards segment? Jack's getting a big laugh (easy there, bro). Yes, No Country wins Best Adapted Screenplay! I am now tied with the hubby 5/10 both of us.

9:45 Jessica Alba, looking like an eggplant (what was she thinking, with that color?) She hosted the Geek Awards. She doesn't get to present anythng else? Sucks for her. Ew gross, Jon just made a joke about Jack impregnating the starlets. Keep that little kid from Atonement away from him.

9:36 Best Supporting Actress. Cate as a guy, Ruby Dee as a bigger badass than Javier and Daniel Day combined, that chick from Atonement whose name I can't pronounce, Amy Ryan who had a better Boston accent than Casey (coming from a Bostonian), ambisexual Tilda Swinton doing her best Jodi Foster. And the award goes to . . . .Tilda Swinton! Shut up! Gawd, she' so weird. And I saw her boobies in that Ewan Mcgregor movie, Young Adam, and I'm still disturbed. She seems horny for George Clooney. And with that, I'm 4/9 (5/9 hub). Thank God I don't have money down in the outside world. Not doing well . . .

9:33 Jerry Seinfeld and his effing bees. Arrgggh, lost again for Animated Short. Losing big time this year. 4/8, 5/8 hub. If only I had a dollar every time someone on stage was wearing black, white, or red.

9:30 Hi Owen, it's good to see you looking well. Is this Best Foriegn Short? It's all subtitles (and tonto). Aww, some movie EW didn't steer me towards. 4/7 me, 5/7 h.

9:22 How come Javier didn't bring Penelope Cruz. Anyway, enjoying the Periscope Montage. I'd actually prefer a 100% montage show. Kerri Russel, looking pretty, but could use a little rouge. I don't know this song though and kinda don't care. Stretch break!

9:13 Here comes the first acting award. Geez, lots of pre-taped bits (strike induced I'm sure). Cuba Gooding, before Boat Cruise or whatever the F it's called. J-Hud comes out, looking svelt with the help of Best Visual Dress Effects. Best Supporting Actor goes tooooo . . . . .Javi-er, Javi-er . . ..(I always forget Arnold Drummond's step mom is Hal Holbrook's wife). Javvvvviiiiieerrrrr! Do I know how to pick 'em or what? 4/6 me, 5/6 hubby. Javier looks so much better without the Prince Valiant hair do. I don't know what he just said en espanol, but right on, brother.

9:10 New rule this year. All winners get 8 seconds for their speech. Cate Blanchett looking rather caje (short for casual FYI) in her maternity gown. Best Art Direction: Sweeney Todd! Yes, 3/5 me, 4/5 hubby. Aww, poor winner looks like someone froze her face. Yeeesh.

9:06 Jon Stewart has a really good joke about making fun of OUR outfits at home during the commercial breaks. Hey, the Rock found a suit that fits (barely), but unfortunately, no laughs. Uggh, the Golden Compass wins Best Visual Effects and Kiki is 2/4 (but the hubby is only 3/4, so plbbtttt! (rasberry noise).

9:02 Sweet memories of Catherine Zeta Jones's voluptuous bosom.

8:59 A Enchanted performance. How lovely. Amy Adams needs animated mice or something though (are the on-strike with the Animal Actors Guild?)

8:56 Kathryn Heigl showed up to the wrong party (it's not the Emmy's sweetheart). I think she just wet herself. And the makeup Oscar goes to . . .(Norbit, that would be funny). Pirates should not win for guyliner alone. Yay! La Vie En Rose won! 2/3! I love the frenchie's speech, super short, ugh, but the Brit wants to ramble. Ahh, saved by the music!

8:52 Steve Carell (sp?) and Anne Hathaway being schticky (or promoting their new movie). Okay. Persepolis better not win, because I'd be 0-2. I actually liked Ratatouille, so (and I made some to go with it, also yummy). Oscar goes to Ratatouille. I'm now 1/2 (and 1/2 with the hubby, the prize is dinner). Brad Bird is surprisingly funny and "on," unlike the costume lady. He already needs to wrap up? Jeez, tough.

8:47 George Clooney, the Cary Grant of our generation. Ah, I love a good montage. Tear!

8:44 Hey, my college across-the-hall neighbor, Amy French, is in a Diet Coke commerical as a bitchy PA. Way to go Amy! And a shout out to my two readers so far, Joann from grammar school, and Erika (Amy's roomate)!

8:41 Jennifer Garner is presenting and has developed a british accent. And the Best Costume Oscar goes to . . . Elizabeth. Crap, I'm now 0/1. Not a good start. Surprisingly, the winner's costume is kind of lame, but her speech is just right -- short.

8:40 Tommy Lee just liked that joke about Iraq. Finally! Uggh, that opening took a bit longer and went downhill. No song montage, huh? Kind of a letdown.

8:33 Hi John! Comedy is good, crowd is fun. What's with Tommy Lee's sourpuss though? Cut to Jack. Jaaaaackkkkkk . . . Diablo Cody's tats look good. And a lame joke about Stripper names (ugh).

8:30 It has begun! Some weird CGI that looks like Grand Theft Auto is on.

Reeeeegis!

8:27 The anticipation grows. I just saw Cate Blanchett and thought she would topple over . . .

8:23 Retraction of my earlier memo -- black is the new red.

8:22 The clip of Juno just seemed like an after school special. "A young girl faces an unwanted pregnancy . . ."

8:13 I love Jennier Garner, but she's got a brown kitten on her head.

8:12 Are you wearing red tonight. Everyone else is. Did you get the memo?

8:08 Mily Cyrus, how insulting!

8:05 Is Travolta's hair painted on?

8:02 Reege and George are dinner buddies? And he just got inited to Lake Cuomo?

8:00 Hi Reege! Does he even know who these people are?

Let's Pick on E!

And, we're out . . .switching channels.

7:58 Renee Zellwegger has the world's worst hair. It looks like she wearing a blonde kitten on her head.

7:50 Okay, I know I just got started, but no one likes a cold baked potato. See you back at 8 on ABC . . .

7:40 Tilda Swinton is androgenous and has two husbands (no where in sight tonight.. Plus, sister needs a spray tan and a little lipstick. Colin Ferrel is GRAY.

7:38 Okay, let's begin picking on Ryan and Juliana, because it is so easy. No, why did Ryan just ask Jessica Alba if she would breastfeed? Rude much! I have to admit, I'm late to this game. I though the celebs wouldn't show up until quarter to eight and I'd have time to make my predictions, but Clooney was there at 7. Arrggg, the pressure!

Predications: No Milkshakes for Atonened Junos

Okay, I just finished my last movie (a matinee of There Will Be Blood) and I'm ready to make my predictions (if I can stop saying "I. Drink. Your. Milkshake!!!" for ten seconds).

And, full disclosure, Entertainment Weekly helped me with these.

Best Original Screenplay -- Juno, as it was the most original dialogue I have heard in a while.

Best Adapted Screenplay -- I have not read any of these, but I go withNo Country for Old Men.

Best Visual Effects -- Transformers, because it had lots of "cool stuff."

Best Sound Mixing -- Transformers, though Bourne is a close second.

Best Sound Editing -- Transformers, ditto.

Best Live Short - Tanghi Argentini, 'cause Enterainment Weekly said so.

Best Song -- Enchanted splits the vote, my favorite, Falling Slowly from Once, wins.

Best Score -- Atonement, as the typewriter was haunting.

Best Makeup -- La Vie En Rose. Have you seen what Marion Cotillard really looks like?

Best Foreign Language -- The Counterfeiters, 'cause EW said so.

Best Editing -- No Country for Old Men, as this usually goes with Best Pic.

Best Documentary Short --Freeheld, per EW.

Best Documentary -- No End in Sight, per EW.

Best Costume -- Atonement, because they made that bag of rakes, Keira Knightley, look good.

Best Cinematography -- There Will Be Blood, though Atonement has a good chance as well.

Best Art Direction -- Sweeney Todd, evebn though Atonement was pretty.

Best Animated Film -- Rataouille, even though Persepolis is deep, Disney always wins.

Best Animated Short -- I Met the Walrus, per EW.

Best Director -- Hmmm, this one is tough. Julian Schnabel will show up in pajamas, but he will go home empty-handed. I think the brothers Cohen have this in a lock.

Best Supporting Actress -- This category usually goes to a little kid, an old lady, or some young thing you will never hear from again. Sorry Tilda Swinton, but Amy Ryan from Gone Baby Gone has my vote here.

Best Supporting Actor -- I have only seen No Country and Michael Clayton, but I can tell Javier Bardem is the clear winner.

Best Actress -- In this category, I have only seen Away from Her, La Vie en Rose, and Juno. Julue Christie is the favorite because of the Lifetime Acheivement Award aspect, but my money is on Marion Cotillard as she became Edith.

Best Actor -- I only saw Eastern Promises and There Will Be Blood. Four hours ago, I was confident that Viggo Mortensen would take it. Now my money is on Daniel Day Lewis.

Best Picture -- Juno was my personal favorite, we enjoyed them all a lot. But, No Country for Old Men will take it (because I slightly did not understand it and I'm sure Academy voters feel the same way and will reward it.)

Now, onto Ryan Seacrest bashing!

You're All Invited!

I'm having an Oscar party and you're all invited. We'll be having "I Drink Your" Milkshakes and Hamburger Phones. You bring the whine and cheese and I'll bring the snarks. Let's begin!

There Will Be Blog

With the Oscars only 2 days away, the pressure is on. I still have to see There Will Be Blood and Michael Clayton. Luckily, I picked up copy of Michael Clayton on DVD since Netflix wronged me (they shipped Bullitt to me, can you believe that? Skipping over 3 other movies for Steve McQueen?). Sunday, there will be a matinee of There Will Be Blood before the big show. And then, I will be complete (sigh). I’ll post up my predictions in between the movie and the E! preshow (aww sorry office poolers, no cheatin’ off me today), and then check back here at 7PM EST for my snarky comments as I live blog the Academy Awards (or Oscar, as I call him, since we’re so close). See ya on Sunday!

Once:The Ultimate Vaccuuming Soundtrack

The other day, as I was vacuuming, I was humming songs from the Oscar nominated movie, Once. I then laughed as I realized the reason for my musical outburst. In the movie, Guy, the main character, sings a song called "Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy"as he is just that, a lonely vacuum repairman. I decided Once has become my new cleaning soundtrack. How motivational, pushing my Hoover around, singing about Hoovers? Well, maybe not. But, it is an excellent DVD for cleaning; there are so many songs. You can just turn it on and listen and not really worry about following the plot since it’s so simple. It’s like one long music video. Fingers-crossed that "Falling Slowly", another song from the soundtrack, wins Best Original Song on Sunday!

Oh, and here's a bizarre clip of Alvin of Alvin and the Chipmunks singing "Falling Slowly"!

Emily Valentine is Stalking Me

First, it happened to Brandon Walsh on 90210. He tried to break up with his girlfriend, Emily Valentine (the bleached-blonde, euphoria-drink-spiking bad girl from San Francisco, played by Christine Elise) and it didn’t go so well. She turned out to be a whole can of crazy, phoning him 20 times a day, dousing herself in gasoline. It was a mess. Well, it looks like I’m next. Last weekend, the hubby and I caught up on the season finale of Tell Me You Love Me. It was just released on DVD and since we missed it the first time around, we wanted to see what happened to all the whining couples. Who turns up, but Christine Elise, playing a Gyno on the show (Emily Valentine, MD). Okay fine. Then, yesterday, during a cleaning frenzy, I was watching Soapnet. An episode on 90210 was on. Wouldn’t you know that it’s the episode where Emily goes batshit crazy? Hmmm, coincidence. Well, this morning, I’m minding my on business, checking my email, and I get an email from Boston Magazine for upcoming events. One of the events? Christine Elise’s art show in Allston, MA (she’s originally from Boston). Over ten years, not a word, now this? I swear, she’s after me . . .

5 Days to Oscar

There are 5 days until the Oscars. In a fit of insanity, I think I’m going to live blog the blessed event. So, check back here at 7PM on February 24, 2008 and I’ll try to be funny (or at least, type a lot).

And, in case you were wondering, Juno, Atonement, and No Country for Old Men down, Michael Clayton and There Will Be Blood to go . . .

Reality Indecision 2008

My DVR wants me to make a difficult decision – choose between my reality children: The Biggest Loser, American Idol, and Big Brother. All three are on tonight, all three are on in the 9PM hour and my DVR can’t handle that much fun. So now, I must choose. Do I see what happens when the Big Losers go home to gorge on buffalo wings (mmm), see the top 12 males sing their little hearts out on Idol (considering I have yet to watch the show this season), or witness the latest in stupidity on BB? I think the Losers are the losers in this race – NBC is being greedy expecting two hours a week when nothing really happens. They could shorten the show to an hour, with all bickering in fast-forward and then have a quick little weigh in, as that’s what it’s all about. The season has gotten long-in-the-tooth, in my opinion and I’d rather jump on the Idol and BB bandwagons while they’re still hot and fresh. I shudder to think about the decisions I will need to make when Dancing with the Stars appears next month – I might need to bring the additional TV in for reinforcements. Sigh, I thought Hilary v. Obama was tough. Who knew the writers’ strike was going to have these unfortunate side-effects. I guess I should count my blessings that The Amazing Race is taking a break.

Traded for a Hot-dog Eater!

Spring training high-jinks have already ensued. In this clip, Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Kyle Kendrick believes he has been traded to the Yomiuri Giants in an eloborate prank.

Return of the Naked Chef

Now that you’re all hung over from all the Valentine’s Day roast duck and soufflé this weekend, feast on this: Jamie Oliver is back with his new show Jamie at Home (it sort of reminds me of that comic strip Adam@Home, but he doesn’t seem to be a fat guy fighting with the treadmill).. I think working from home is the new trend, (which is why I’m so cool). Anyway, where was I? Oh, so Jamie Oliver is back and it makes me so happy. The theme of this showing is “cooking stuff and growing stuff.” It’s shot in the Nigellla-style uncomfortable close-up, so you can see even better how his tongue doesn’t quite fit into his mouth. It’s good to see him back on American TV as it’s been so long since his Naked Chef Pukka Tukka days. He kicks Rachel Ray’s ass by churning out fresh pasta in between commercial breaks and making more out of the 30 minutes than she does. And he says things like "sod it" on the FoodNetwork (which they apparently don't know to censor). Anyway, it’s simple, quick, natural foods. You should give it a watch next Saturday morning if you haven’t already (or DVR it like I do since I can’t get my butt up that early).

Big Brother: Last Call

The Big Brother backlash has already begun at home. My dad calls me yesterday, he of the conservative values, complaining there wasn’t enough “diversity” on the show. Huh? I didn’t even know he knew that word. He was speaking in an ageist manner, but he’s right. With the exception of a few of them, they’re all white, straight, stupid, people. Also, no one is over 30, except for Sheila, 46, who I already picked on yesterday. What happened to the stereotypes we’ve all come to know and love? The avuncular old man, with some sort of southern drawl, like Chicken George? The funny black girl (Monica or Jameka)? Instead, they all look like Friday night at some masshole bar in Boston (Purple Shamrock, anyone?) The hubby thinks the name of the show should be changed to Big Brother: Last Call, since they all look like what happened when the lights come on at 2 AM. Everyone pairs off and you go home, to share sleeping bags on the floor, while being photographed through night vision cameras. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!

80’s Crush: Christopher Daniel Barnes

Leave it to Encore Love to introduce me to one of the worst movies ever made. Now, I’m usually a sucker for any type of romantic comedy. So, I was doing a quick V-day check of Encore Love, knowing they would be showing the best in schlock. I came across a “film” (using the term so loosely) called Shut Up and Kiss Me. It’s a madcap caper of two men finding the women of their dreams. It’s more silly-horny than romantic (I guess that’s why the description on my digital cable was “overheated”). What caught my eye is that it stars another 80’s Crush (second in the series) – Christopher Daniel Barnes. I knew him as C.D. back in the day, when he hung on my bedroom wall. He first captured my attention in the TV version of the film Starman, then went on to star in Day By Day with a pre-Melrose Place Courtney Thorne-Smith (what is it with the Melrose Place girls and my crushes?) and pre-Seinfeld Julia Louis-Dreyfus (what is it with the 3 names?) C.D. played the poor-man’s Kirk Cameron, as the teenage son in this family sitcom about a couple who runs a day-care out of their home. He tirelessly pined after Courtney Thorne-Smith’s character, a day-care worker, while incessantly wearing a blue bathrobe (that made him go down a notch in my book because I assumed he smelled bad). He was in some random things after that (episodes of Golden Girls, Blossom , and 90210). Oh, and he was Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid (sigh). And Greg Brady in the Brady Bunch movies (eh). So, it seems that he’s continued to work steadily, until this excremental movie (above) appeared. Hopefully, he can coast on Malcolm and Eddie money (oh yeah, he was in that too) for some time.

Definitely, Maybe

Is it wrong that I definitely, maybe want to see Definitely, Maybe? I mean, it’s Valentine’s Day, after all, and I love romantic comedies, especially those starring Ryan Reynolds. But, I have the feeling I will definitely, maybe regret seeing this movie, especially in theaters. It’s probably a giant piece of crap. Best be avoided. Definitely. Maybe?

Big Brother Is in Love

The new season of Big Brother premiered last night and I have the same love/hate relationship I’ve had for the last 8 seasons. I love the Chen-Bot (as she was hitting her marks last night, you could hear the gears shifting), and I always love the twist. This season, they have coupled up all of the people, who are all mostly single, like a big Match.com experiment. They play as a team, sleep in the same bed, and get eliminated together. I’m sure Big Brother is hoping for shenanigans. Last night, they already had the girls straddling the guys while being suspended over a bed – pretty racy for 9PM, in my opinion.

What I always hate about the show are the people. Gawd, this season, they are trying so hard. You’ve got a bikini-wearing barista, girls with names like “Chelsia,” and a general assortment of beautiful, dumb people. They’ve also cast the annoying in Sheila , a 45-year old busted Penthouse Pet, who did nothing but whine about how ugly her partner was, to his face, from the word go. Ughh. Here’s hoping they can keep it interesting and keep the contestants away from Narcissus-like trances in the mirror.

Another episode is on tonight. Will Big Brother break up the one pre-existing secret couple? Or will they reunite the broken-up couple? If anything, I think the night-vision cam is getting a work-out this season!

If They Made It: K-Fed and Daniel Day-Lewis

Oscar Countdown Begins!

Oscar Countdown 2008 has officially begun and I’m starting to panic – so many movies to see, so little time. For best picture, so I’ve far seen Juno (really liked it), Atonement (sorta liked it), but I still need to see Michael Clayton (comes out next Tuesday on Netflix), There Will Be Blood, and No Country for Old Men. There’s 2 weekends left until the Oscars – will I make it? For culture junkies like me, it’s like Christmas, and you can’t arrive at Christmas with the gifts unwrapped. At first, I thought Christmas would be cancelled, with the writers strike and all, but it looks like it’s going to be settled, thank God. Now I can start crossing my fingers for that live musical performance from Once, Ellen Page in a dress, and some sort of performance by Cirque du Stomp, choreographed by Debbie Allen. And of course, the Parade of the Dead (the inevitable montage of dead celebrities set to a moving score, tear). So, what are your hopes and dreams for Oscar 2008?

P.S. Like my widget? You can get yours too at Oscar.com

Grammy Wrap-up

Before I put the Grammys behind me, but move onto Oscar, I have a few thoughts:

• No one expected Herbie Hancock to win, any more than one expects the Spanish Inquisition (say it with me).
• Completely shut out from the ceremony, but not a win was Maroon 5, Michael Buble, Common, Barack Obama (best spoken word), Spring Awakening (theater soundtrack), Mark Ronson (producer of the year). Any one of these winners would have made the night more interesting, instead of all of the old people.
• Completely shut out from BOTH the ceremony and a win was Lily Allen, Once (soundtrack)
• Completely not even freakin’ nominated: Josh Ritter, Josh Turner, Robin Thicke, Gwen Stefani, Paolo Nutini
  
  Thus my frustration with the Grammys, but I suppose it ain’t the American Music Awards, which is the bigger popularity contest. Oh well, let’s kick Oscar talk into high gear, people!

Kiki Live Blogs the Grammys!

11:30 Time for bed. See y'all mañana.

11:28 The big enchillada -- Grammy of the Year (and Usher calls out Kanye. Poor Kanye). Wait, Herbie Hancock won? Aw, frig, I've been sitting here the last four hours for nothing.

11:25 When did Will.I.am get his Ph.D? Was it in spelling (he sure loves to). That was a whole lot o' nuthin' tho.

11:17 Little Richard is surprised. And wearing two bad wigs at the same time.

11:13 More old people -- John Fogherty, Little Richard, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Are they sure all 3 are still alive?

11:04 Hi Josh Groban! The Opera tribute ain't so bad.

11:00 My favorite part -- the parade of the dead! Gets me every time.

10:58 Boring speech from the Prez. Fighting the good fight against me stealing music off the interwebs.

10:49 Record of the Year -- Another Winehouse win? Yes! Bitch is cleaning up tonight. Is she finally going to get to accept an award? Hugs all around. Wow, she talks like a thug -- Ray Ray, me Blake, who's incarcerated. Next thing you know, she'll have a grill and a band-aid on her cheek, like Nelly.

10:47 Tony Bennet and Natalie Cole -- they're really wheeling all the old folks out tonight, aren't they. Umm, is Doris Day still alive? Natalie Cole needs a new wig.

10:42 Yay! The Winehouse is on! What an intimate setting. And it's good to see she's standing upright and coherent. Also, You Know I'm Know Good is my favorite song on the album. Oh, wait, segue into Rehab. And a shout-out to Mr. Fielder-Civil at that. Wow, she killed. Worth the wait.

10:35 Rhianna, I liked your other hair better. And it looks like Jay-Z is taking a page out of Kanye's book and pontificating in the 3rd person.

10:34 I don't like the way Juan-ez is looking at Taylor Swift. She's not technically jailbait, but still.

10:25 Unlike the Oscars, Lifetime Award winners here don't get to say a word. I like ('cause really, I'm sure Isaac Perlman is a nice man, but not really interested in what he has to say). Joy, Herbie Hancock. Can't he play Rockit instead of Gershwin? That would be sick.

10:19 Vince Gil just threw down on stage and called out Kanye. Dude, do you even have a posse (Amy Grant doesn't count). Kanye rolls deep, brother. Don't go there.

10:18 Ringo and Dave Stewart are twinnies in their dark glasses. Otherwise, don't care who wins the Best Country something category.

10:15 Douchie McDouche (John Mayer) just came out to jam with Alicia. Nice of her to allow some other people on stage.

10:12 Wow, that was a long break in between, right? Commercials! Okay, now, Stevie Wonder presents (someone should get that man a new jacket. He's been wearing that one since the 25th Grammys) Alicia Keys. No fair, why does she get two songs when there are some people who haven't gone on yet? And black and silver is the it color tonight, people.

10:03 Keeley doesn't know where she is. I hope her ride back to the old folks home is coming soon . . .

10:01 Dissapointment -- Kid Rock's "lady friend" is an OLD lady. My husband tells me she's a famous jazz musician, but I've never heard of her. I have heard of Keeley Shaye Smith, Pierce Brosnan's wife. That's some palpable sexual tension on stage betweem Kid and Keeley, dontcha think?

9:59 Finally, the show is back. Feist is cool, she sounds great. But the song is really missing a blue sequined pantsuit and backup dancers.

9:48 A shout out to my also live blogging sisters at EW.com: http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/02/live-blogging-t.html
I feel vindicated that they agree with many of my points.

9:42 We're entering the boring middle parts of the show First country, now gospel. When do the nominees for best Native American album (real category, I swear) come out? Eh, it is Aretha, though. She is the Queen of Soul after all. I suppose it's very artistic. Just not very humor condusive, if ya know what I mean.

9:37 Who invited Beyonce's little sis, Solange? It would be cool if Jay-Z won best rap album as they're practically in-laws. Oh, Kanye won. I like that too. He's like a second cousin once removed to Solange. And for the record, it's "mama" shaved into the back of his head. I feel there's a tender mom moment about be cut off. Nice, he just got them to stop the annoying play-off music. I love his audacity.

9:33 Who invited the comedian (George Lopez)? He's introducing Brad Paisley, who's not my country cup of tea (don't feel bad, brother, there are only a select few out there). I like his wife, Kimberly Williams, though. Where's she at?

9:30 The announcer mentioned Kid Rock's new female friend before the break. Who is it? He and Am Winehouse would go well together.

9:21 The Foo are on. On that note, I'm getting some Foo-D.

9:20 The My Grammy Moment Winner is. . .don't care.

9:13 Nelly Furtado looks like my mom. Nice hair, Nelly. Oh, but I looooove Burt Bacharach. And song of the year is (does it seem like they've only handed out 2 awards so far?) Please, Amy Winehouse. And the grammy goes to Amy! Yes! Why can't she accept via satellite? I wanna hear her ramble on a bit.

9:10 I bet Rollin' on a River is about to get wild. Wait for it . . .

9:05 Tina Turner looks good, but who stole her neck? Maybe Ike got it in the divorce. She is the original Melinda Dolittle

9:03 It's Cher. What is she wearing or what's wearing her? Those are quite the legs Beyonce.

8:55 Thank God, the song is over. Ooh, the soundtrack category. Once better win! Isn't Dreamgirls like 400 years old. Denied! Love wins, which I thought was theatre, not even a movie. Not fair. But I guess you can't beat the Beatles. Sorry, Once, I'm pulling for you for the Oscars. Hi Ringo!

8:52 What is Fergie singing? It kinda sucks. But I love John Legend. The song is about stripping, I think.

8:45 I freakin' love Kanye. It's good to see him back at it. I need those sunglasses. But he's wailing like a banshee. Is he hurt? I like his robot DJs. Oh, but now he's doing a tribute to his mom. Man, he kills me. But, what's shaved into the back of his head. All rise for the standing O.

8:35 Didn't Jason Bateman get a ticket? Why is he outside? He's getting cuter than when he was on the Hogan Family every day. But I really hate the Foo Fighters. And it's some sort of contest to vote for part of their orchestra. Can we just get of the American Idol tip, people? Didn't they do this last year with Justin Timberlake and some broad? Or was that the American Music awards. I can't remember now. Anyway, all three sound the same to me -- boring!

8:35 Yes! Amy Winehouse wins best new artist. Things are going okay now.

8:34 Cyndi Lauper and Miley Cyrus, together. I think the world just exploded.

8:31 Dang, Urkel can sing!

8:27 A performance if Beatles Music by Cirque du Soleil. Who put the acid in my veggie burger cause I can't tell what the F is going on.

8:24 The Band gets a Lifetime achievement award from Tom Hanks. Which band? Oh, the Band.
8:18 Shut up! Morris Day and the Time? I'm in love! It makes Rhianna almost tolerable.

8:10 Prince. Enough said.

8:06 Carrie Underwood performing Before He Cheats with Stomp (or Stomp wannabes). Again, Stomp has been on every awards show since God invented the awards show. Carrie looks good in a an anti-Winehouse 60's way. Like Nancy Sinatra or Barbarella.

8:01 Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra duet. Kinda creepy and wasn't this done ad naseum in the 90's? She is talented though . . . There's a sort of peacock-ish quality about her outfit tonight. And her boobs are screaming through the peep-hole to be released!

Pre-show thoughts:

• Panic at the Disco! Are very very young men
• Taylor Swift is a living Barbie doll
• Miliey Cyrus needs braces
• Julianna Rancic is painfully dumb

Grammy Snub: Josh Ritter

The Grammy Awards are Sunday! Even though The Winehouse won’t be there in person to perform, it should still be an interesting show, as a lot of my favorites, including Kanye West, The Winehouse, and Lily Allen are all nominated. Adam Levine may even shake his tush onstage if Maroon 5 wins Best Performance by a Group or Duo. But, there is one MAJOR oversite: Mr. Josh Ritter has been shut out. Now, if you know me, you know I am a little obsessed with Josh Ritter’s music. I discovered him last year as the opening act to Jamie Cullum and have never looked back. I highly encourage you to check Mr. Ritter out if you are not familiar. I suppose it’s because Josh’s music is unclassifiable as it’s folk/ indie/ rock/ bluegrass? There musn’t have a suitable category in the 110 Grammy categories. Oh well – it probably would have been an award that didn’t rate for the broadcast anyway. In the meantime, his new album, The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter, is fantastic. Alas, no Grammy for him, but maybe he’ll be at home, like me, feasting on turkey meatpies and potato chips, watching Kanye throw another tantrum. What, is that just me?

P.S. On the Grammy website, they have a link to their apparel site, Grammy Brand . Who the hell wants to dress like a grammy? Mine looks good for 80+, but I wouldn’t want to dress like her!

The Man Who Came Before Brad and Billy Bob

I watched another episode of Eli Stone last night. It’s not a horrible show – I still need to watch it again to decide if it has earned a Series Recording on my DVR. Has anyone mentioned that the star of this show was Angela Jolie’s first husband? Yes, before Brad, Billy Bob, and her brother, was Johnny Lee. He starred in Hackers with her in 1995 (back when she was chubby), they got married, and they divorced 4 years later. I guess that means he’s the Mimi Rogers to her Tom Cruise, the dreaded starter-spouse . I guess I have to get over this if I’m going to get into the show. But, has anyone else noticed this or am I the only bizarre one with the photographic memory of People Magazine?

80's Crushes: Chris Young

When I was 13, my wall was covered with the pages of Sixteen Magazine and BOP. Only a few young male celebs made it to my wall. One of them was the unlikely mug of Chris Young. You may remember him from TV’s erstwhile Max Headroom, as well as the Great Outdoors, starring John Candy and Dan Akroyd. I think the prom “saga” of Dance ‘Til Dawn is my absolute favorite Young-vehicle, but that has so much goodness, it deserves it’s own post, on another day.

ANYWAY, the other day, in my unemployed-ness, I was searching through 300 channels for something to watch and came across Book of Love, also starring Chris. It’s like a poor-man’s Stand By Me – 50’s coming of age sentimental comedy with a killer yet generic soundtrack and vignettes from teen-dom. It also features Keith Coogan (a favorite actor, alas, but not a pin-up), a pre-Melrose Place Josie Bissett, a pre-Headwig and the Angry Inch John Cameron Mitchell, and pre-Titanic Danny Nucci. The movie reminded me it’s time to virtually check-in on Chris and see how he’s doing. Unfortunately, there is an Arizona Diamondbacks player with the same name, as well as a country star, which made my search difficult. Fortunately, Chris owns the .com address, making my search none too difficult.

If you’re curios like I am, go to Chris’s site to see his latest resume, as well as some fun clips: http://www.chrisyoung.com/

He now bills himself as a actor, director, producer (the dreaded triple threat!) Needless to say, the brother is making a living (unlike some of us), so you ahead Chris!

Back and Unemployed

I started this blog back in 2005 with the best intentions of edited at lunch at work. As you can see from the archives, that didn’t work. I had a few spotty posts in ’06 and ’08, but nothing regular. Here it is, 2008, and I am happy to announce that I am now unemployed, finally (it’s a dream come true). Therefore, you’ll hopefully be seeing something new from me many times a week. Here goes my dignity!