Higher Learning: Celebrity Edition

It's back to school time again. But not just for the kiddlets -- your favorite celebs are hitting the books. Jerry O'Connell, fresh from his talk-show tour discussing the birth of his twins and his wife's pumping habits, is studying one of the oldest professions. No, not that one. He's going to become a lawyer. I guess he's not getting royalties from My Secret Identity and Kangaroo Jack these days. The new dad will be taking courses at Southwest School of Law. As the wife of a lawyer, I know Rebecca is in for some long nights alone with the kids. Hopefully, he can start pulling his weight in a few years, though. Maybe Rebecca can become a stay-at-home super-mom-del.

He's not the only one, however. Ashely Judd will be attending Haaavaaaad for her degree in public adminisitration. Lookout Beantown, here she comes! She joins other already-celebrities seeking degrees from Harvard, such as Weezer's Rivers Cuomo and Natalie Portman. Maybe this advanced degree will allow Judd to stop making such crappy movies.

Lastly, Omarosa -- that's Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth to you -- is going to -- wait for it . . . SEMINARY SCHOOL. She will be studying at the United Theological Seminary. Please, if nothing else, let her find a soul there!

All this is inspiring me. I want a reason for a new Trapper-Keeper and pencil box. Perhaps I can persue my advanced degree in blogging? Taught by Professors Perez Hilton and Arianna Huffington?

It's Over

I'm sure no one was surprised by last night's Jon & Kate Plus Eight revelation that they were going their separate ways. I certainly wasn't. Yet, it was still really a sad moment when the proverbial hammer came down. Say what you want about John's earrings or Kate's fake bake -- they are still real people, really getting divorced. And there are real kids involved. TV show or not, whether they had mutual affairs or stayed faithful, they are a family in crisis. The Hubby and I hugged each other a little tighter last night, not because their separation has anything to do with us personally, but it still made us go hmmmm . . . You see, Jon and Kate were married the day after us, ten years ago. Sure, they were thrown a major curveball, having two sets of multiples and a TV show where we just have one and no show. But I guess that means that when you're standing up at that altar saying your "I do's," you have no idea which way it's all going to go.

And, it's one less couple to hang with. The Hubby always insisted that there were certain celebrity couples that would be fun to go out with in real life. Sure, Nick and Jessica were a little dumb, but they seemed nice. We were sad when they broke up that we'd never get a chance to share margaritas at Chilli's. Jon and Kate would bicker a bit, but isn't there one couple in every group like that? I was sure that we'd have a lot to talk about. Now that they're through, that just leaves Brad and Angelina. I probably wouldn't like them in real life, though. They'd probably go on and on about international politics and blah blah blah. And they probably wouldn't want to dish about the latest installment of Big Brother. Oh well. I wonder if Tom and Gisele are available . . .

Boobs Over Broadway

I think Glee is going to be my new favorite show next fall. Those minxes at FOX teased me with one episode after the Idol finale and now I have to wait until the fall TV season starts to see another, but I like what I saw. It touched my inner theater geek, taking me back to the days of after-school play practice. We didn't have a very rich theater program at my high school (only one musical a year), but it was always the highlight of my year. Over the summers, I did "drama camp," which made those long boring summers fly right by. Even then, my inner control freak came out (I preferred to be a director than an actor). The best part about those experiences was hanging out with people I had so much in common with. I wasn't a great athlete (unless you count my other activity -- figure skating -- oy), I wasn't smart enough to be a full-blown chess club brainy-geek, and I wasn't popular enough to be in student government. If the theater was the island of misfits, I found my other toys. Of course, as in any society, there was still the hierarchy -- the diva, the male lead, the geek even the theater geeks picked on. Oh, and we had our Susan Boyle too -- a smelly girl that really needed a shower. But that's how it goes. So, if I can see myself in any show on TV, I think it's going to be this show. It's got biting humor, soaring musical numbers, and the right balance of sentiment and irony. As Lea Michelle exclaimed in the first episode "there is NOTHNG ironic about show choir!" which is funny because everything IS ironic about show choir. And why did I mention boobs in the title of this post? Oh yeah, I saw Lea Michelle's boobs when I sat front and center at Spring Awakening. That's all, just wanted to mention that . . .

And here is a little tatse of the show:

Cold Sake Jr. Est Arrive!

So this is why I haven't posted in ages. I hope to be back in action this summer. Until then, rock on . . .

I Never Thought I Would See The Dark Knight

But I did. Twice. It's a miracle. My story begins in August. I decided the only way to see this movie was at the local IMAX theater. It had just been released and tickets were tough to come by, but I managed to secure four tickets online to the 7:00 Saturday show. The closest IMAX theater was a 1/2 hour away at the Jordan's Furniture (they of the MOM ride. Whoever decided that the ride should be called Motion Odyssey Movie ride is a genius because you can say you "rode MOM " without a hint of irony). Also in for this adventure to IMAX-ville were my parents, as my father showed a rare interest in seeing a movie in an actual theater (unlike their usual weekend of buying movie InDemand, despite having a Netflix subscription that they can't seem to comprehend they already pay for). So, we packed into their pseudo-minivan, had a caloricly ridiculous meal at Chilli's, and made our way through the furniture store to the main event. We also stopped to buy popcorn and soda for the 2 and 1/2 flick. I urged everyone to get in line as it was first-come seating. We finally get in line, present our 4 tickets, only to have the old lady movie-bouncer tell us that she can't let us in because the movie is sold out. Duh, that's why I have tickets, lady, I told her. Yeah you have tickets. For NEXT Saturday's show. What??? Though I am still reluctant to take the blame to this day, baby brains here must have clicked on the wrong weekend. As we were in a wedding that next weekend, coming back was no deal, so I managed to get 4 passes for a future film (despite my best hormonal efforts to get my money back). On the way home we contemplated swinging by the local AMC to see if there were any shows left, but it wasn't going to be the same and I'd rather stew in my own juices.

August, September, and October all fly by in a blur of weddings, vacation, and baby prep. Before I know it, The Dark Knight is gone from IMAX and the regular theater, to be replaced by Madagascar 2. I fear by the time it comes out on DVD, I will have given birth and then never seen it (as I am constantly being warned by friends to see all the movies I can now because your TV somehow implodes with parenthood). I am already aware of two major plot points in the film, though I have tried to avoid all articles related to it. Finally, a release date is announced. I move the movie to the top of my Netflix queue, though I have a sneaking suspicion something will go wrong with my past movie getting there in time and "Available" will turn into "Long Wait." Miraculously, my watched movie arrives to them Tuesday morning and the Dark Knight is on its way to my house, Nothing can go wrong, victory is mine. The Dark Knight is in my grubby little hands Thursday afternoon. I vow to watch it Friday with The Hubby, some homemade popcorn, and a mocktail. It's not IMAX, but the legroom can't be beat.

Friday morning, the unthinkable happens -- we wake to no power. Due to a major ice storm, my dad informs me that the entire town is out. Nooooooooo. I will never see this movie. The universe is trying to tell me something. But, then a miracle happens. My parents are blessed with a gas generator, and it is enough to watch a DVD. A good chunk of my family has migrated to their house throughout the day and we gather to watch. The noisy bunch has even promised to shut the hell up. So, did we watch the movie? You betcha. Did it skip every 30 seconds and especially during any action sequence? Absolutely. Either DVDs and generators don't mix or my parents have a shitty DVD player. But, I did technically see it. No, it wasn't the magical experience I set out for in June, but it was a pretty damn good movie. Heath Ledger deserves an Oscar, the cinematography was great, and it was an hour too long. For good measure, I watched it again last night, skip free, before returning it.

The moral of this story? Don't order anything online if you are hormonally influenced. And time plus dissapoinment equals lowered expectations.

P.S. If anyone wants to buy 4 IMAX passes let me know, as I am apparently never leaving the house again!

You Killed Pushing Daisies!

America! I'm deeply saddened today by the sudden loss of Pushing Daisies. And no, Ned-the-Piemaker can't even bring this corpse back from the dead. Word came down yesterday that ABC was canceling the unique show after it's 13th episode (which only makes for 22 total, barely a full season with last year's writer's strike). There's already talk of a comic book series or feature-length film to tie up loose ends, but still, that's not good enough for me. Why, why, why does this keep happening? Good shows seems to die right before my eyes, where crappola like The Bachelor is entering its 13th season. You wanna know why? It's all YOUR fault! You're not watching quality TV. Never before have I seen a show like Pushing Daisies -- great acting, witty writing, smoldering romance, and visually stunning to boot and you didn't even give it a chance. A single episode could rival any Tim Burton flick, but Gary Unmarried got twice the ratings that Daisies did this week. This is not a new problem either -- dating back to awesome shows like Relativity, Action!, and oh-my-God My So Called Life, smart TV always gets canceled before it has had a chance. Networks just don't have the patience to let you catch on (and it doesn't help when they play a shell game with the timeslot). The only reason why a show like Madmen got a second season was cable, baby. Cable will re-run the show a million times during the week (allowing viewers watch on their time) and let an audience build by buzz. Networks need instant satisfaction. I'm sure all the visual effects on Daisies weren't cheap either (whereas another episode of Nanny Jo can be slapped together on a tight budget). So, I hang my head in sadness and employ my peeps -- don't let the next good show die. TV needs you (especially if you're a Nielson Family).

Ad-itude: Commercials Make Kids Fat

This is going to be more rant-y than my usual posts, but I couldn't help but feel a little crazy as I sit at my local VW dealership, waiting for my car, reading the news. There was an article posted on Yahoo entitled Fast-food ad ban could cut child obesity: U.S. study. The article states that childhood obesity rates will go down if kids see less fast food commercials. Who are the idiots who came up with this theory? They are forgetting one crucial piece of information -- KIDS CAN'T DRIVE. Therefore, they are somehow getting to the local McDonalds. There is a middle man -- Mom and Dad. Someone is buying these kids triple bacon deluxes with a side of giant fries. If the kids never saw the commericals again, I doubt they would forget about Happy Meals. Plus, the reason why kids are so fat is not because of an occaisional Happy Meal -- it's the food that is stocked in their kitchens for snacks, sugary cereal breakfasts, processed food lunches (Lunchables in the lunchbox and pizza in the school cafeteria), and the fast food dinners mom and dad grab nightly on the way home. Far be it from me to defend either advertising or the fast-food industries because lord knows they are guilty of contributing. But let's remember who's really feeding our kids -- and not turning the TV off. It ain't Ronald McDonald reaching through the screen. Gotta go now, there's still some cookies left on the dealership's counter behind me. . .