I Never Thought I Would See The Dark Knight

But I did. Twice. It's a miracle. My story begins in August. I decided the only way to see this movie was at the local IMAX theater. It had just been released and tickets were tough to come by, but I managed to secure four tickets online to the 7:00 Saturday show. The closest IMAX theater was a 1/2 hour away at the Jordan's Furniture (they of the MOM ride. Whoever decided that the ride should be called Motion Odyssey Movie ride is a genius because you can say you "rode MOM " without a hint of irony). Also in for this adventure to IMAX-ville were my parents, as my father showed a rare interest in seeing a movie in an actual theater (unlike their usual weekend of buying movie InDemand, despite having a Netflix subscription that they can't seem to comprehend they already pay for). So, we packed into their pseudo-minivan, had a caloricly ridiculous meal at Chilli's, and made our way through the furniture store to the main event. We also stopped to buy popcorn and soda for the 2 and 1/2 flick. I urged everyone to get in line as it was first-come seating. We finally get in line, present our 4 tickets, only to have the old lady movie-bouncer tell us that she can't let us in because the movie is sold out. Duh, that's why I have tickets, lady, I told her. Yeah you have tickets. For NEXT Saturday's show. What??? Though I am still reluctant to take the blame to this day, baby brains here must have clicked on the wrong weekend. As we were in a wedding that next weekend, coming back was no deal, so I managed to get 4 passes for a future film (despite my best hormonal efforts to get my money back). On the way home we contemplated swinging by the local AMC to see if there were any shows left, but it wasn't going to be the same and I'd rather stew in my own juices.

August, September, and October all fly by in a blur of weddings, vacation, and baby prep. Before I know it, The Dark Knight is gone from IMAX and the regular theater, to be replaced by Madagascar 2. I fear by the time it comes out on DVD, I will have given birth and then never seen it (as I am constantly being warned by friends to see all the movies I can now because your TV somehow implodes with parenthood). I am already aware of two major plot points in the film, though I have tried to avoid all articles related to it. Finally, a release date is announced. I move the movie to the top of my Netflix queue, though I have a sneaking suspicion something will go wrong with my past movie getting there in time and "Available" will turn into "Long Wait." Miraculously, my watched movie arrives to them Tuesday morning and the Dark Knight is on its way to my house, Nothing can go wrong, victory is mine. The Dark Knight is in my grubby little hands Thursday afternoon. I vow to watch it Friday with The Hubby, some homemade popcorn, and a mocktail. It's not IMAX, but the legroom can't be beat.

Friday morning, the unthinkable happens -- we wake to no power. Due to a major ice storm, my dad informs me that the entire town is out. Nooooooooo. I will never see this movie. The universe is trying to tell me something. But, then a miracle happens. My parents are blessed with a gas generator, and it is enough to watch a DVD. A good chunk of my family has migrated to their house throughout the day and we gather to watch. The noisy bunch has even promised to shut the hell up. So, did we watch the movie? You betcha. Did it skip every 30 seconds and especially during any action sequence? Absolutely. Either DVDs and generators don't mix or my parents have a shitty DVD player. But, I did technically see it. No, it wasn't the magical experience I set out for in June, but it was a pretty damn good movie. Heath Ledger deserves an Oscar, the cinematography was great, and it was an hour too long. For good measure, I watched it again last night, skip free, before returning it.

The moral of this story? Don't order anything online if you are hormonally influenced. And time plus dissapoinment equals lowered expectations.

P.S. If anyone wants to buy 4 IMAX passes let me know, as I am apparently never leaving the house again!

You Killed Pushing Daisies!

America! I'm deeply saddened today by the sudden loss of Pushing Daisies. And no, Ned-the-Piemaker can't even bring this corpse back from the dead. Word came down yesterday that ABC was canceling the unique show after it's 13th episode (which only makes for 22 total, barely a full season with last year's writer's strike). There's already talk of a comic book series or feature-length film to tie up loose ends, but still, that's not good enough for me. Why, why, why does this keep happening? Good shows seems to die right before my eyes, where crappola like The Bachelor is entering its 13th season. You wanna know why? It's all YOUR fault! You're not watching quality TV. Never before have I seen a show like Pushing Daisies -- great acting, witty writing, smoldering romance, and visually stunning to boot and you didn't even give it a chance. A single episode could rival any Tim Burton flick, but Gary Unmarried got twice the ratings that Daisies did this week. This is not a new problem either -- dating back to awesome shows like Relativity, Action!, and oh-my-God My So Called Life, smart TV always gets canceled before it has had a chance. Networks just don't have the patience to let you catch on (and it doesn't help when they play a shell game with the timeslot). The only reason why a show like Madmen got a second season was cable, baby. Cable will re-run the show a million times during the week (allowing viewers watch on their time) and let an audience build by buzz. Networks need instant satisfaction. I'm sure all the visual effects on Daisies weren't cheap either (whereas another episode of Nanny Jo can be slapped together on a tight budget). So, I hang my head in sadness and employ my peeps -- don't let the next good show die. TV needs you (especially if you're a Nielson Family).

Ad-itude: Commercials Make Kids Fat

This is going to be more rant-y than my usual posts, but I couldn't help but feel a little crazy as I sit at my local VW dealership, waiting for my car, reading the news. There was an article posted on Yahoo entitled Fast-food ad ban could cut child obesity: U.S. study. The article states that childhood obesity rates will go down if kids see less fast food commercials. Who are the idiots who came up with this theory? They are forgetting one crucial piece of information -- KIDS CAN'T DRIVE. Therefore, they are somehow getting to the local McDonalds. There is a middle man -- Mom and Dad. Someone is buying these kids triple bacon deluxes with a side of giant fries. If the kids never saw the commericals again, I doubt they would forget about Happy Meals. Plus, the reason why kids are so fat is not because of an occaisional Happy Meal -- it's the food that is stocked in their kitchens for snacks, sugary cereal breakfasts, processed food lunches (Lunchables in the lunchbox and pizza in the school cafeteria), and the fast food dinners mom and dad grab nightly on the way home. Far be it from me to defend either advertising or the fast-food industries because lord knows they are guilty of contributing. But let's remember who's really feeding our kids -- and not turning the TV off. It ain't Ronald McDonald reaching through the screen. Gotta go now, there's still some cookies left on the dealership's counter behind me. . .

Remembering Michael Crichton

During all the excitement of our new president yesterday, word came down that author Michael Crichton passed away at the young age of 66. In the company of Stephen King and Orson Scott Card, Crichton is one of my favorite authors of all time. As Michelle on BestWeekEver mentioned, Jurassic Park was her first grown-up book. I think it was mine too. I remember being glued to it in the back room of my parents' store. I wanted to read the whole thing before the movie premiered that night. I finished the book (probably when I should have been working instead) and got ready for the movie, only to find it completely sold out (this is before the days of Fandango, or even MovieFone, kids). After Jurassic Park, I became obsessed and read the The Andromeda Strain, Sphere, Congo(got right into that movie, didn't think it would suck so much). Unfortunately, Crichton also wrote Jurassic Park 2 (The Lost World) -- one of two books I chucked across the room after finishing (Contactwas the other). It was so terrible, that it was the end of Crichton's books for me. ER, which he created, was a redemption of sorts. Therefore, I will always appreciate him for introducing me (and the world) to George Clooney and for explaining chaos theory in a way a high school kid could understand. Thanks, Michael.

Happy Wonder Woman Day!

As I wait for the trick or treaters to trickle out tonight, I wanted to take time to honor the best Halloween costume of all time, and, according to Superpoke on Facebook, it's her "day," Wonder Woman. I was a fan of Wonder Woman back in the day of underoos, Linda Carter, and an awesome fashion doll (complete with a sexy pantsuit and labcoat that covered up her badass leotard). I guess it was empowering for a six year old to have her own superhero to identify with, but I never really gave it much thought. I just thought she was cool. I still love Wonder Woman, as many of my coworkers can attest. I have a mug and a poster (both given to me by coworkers. Once you show an affinity for something, people tend give you stuff) as well as a myriad of other WW crap. I'm sure it came across as some sort of alpha female power thing, but really, it just made me happy, the same way I felt when I was six. Wonder Woman is still kicking (and I'm still waiting for her turn at a summer blockbuster, despite the fact that Catherine Zeta Jones is way too old for the part!) and they have modernized her. Apparently, an animated film will be released next February (maybe a litmus test for a live action flick?). And, if you haven't already, check out the Jodi Piccoult penned graphic novel. So happy Wonder Woman Day and enjoy this clip of Kim Kardashian as Annoying Wonder Woman:

Twinies? Natasha and Leather Rock Out

Did you see Natasha Beddingfield on Ellen the other day? I feel like her new look is kind of an homage to none other than Happy Days's Leather Tuscadero (AKA Suzie Quatro, not to be confused with her sister, Pinky Tuscadero). Either way, I'm not digging the heavily feathered mullet hair thing and leather jumpsuit. Below, see her performance on Ellen, followed by a classic Leather performance.




What do you think?

Also, special props to Ralph Mouth on that piano . . .

Kiki Sez: Samuari Girl

For my vacation a few weeks ago, I downloaded one of itunes free offerings of the week, Samurai Girl. It was part one of a six-hour miniseries on ABC Family. I honestly wasn’t expecting much – it featured Jamie Chung of Real World San Diego fame for one, and it was a family movie after all. But, I figured, what the hell? Six hours trapped on a plane and I could spare an hour for a freebie. Also, Entertainment Weekly, my media guru, gave it a good review, so that sealed the deal. Luckily, in addition to packing my own food and drink (thanks to the cheap airlines) I packed my own fun as the movie was Jackie Chan’s Forbidden Kingdom. I tried to watch a few minutes, but it was too terrible. And I normally like Jackie Chan (Rush Hour is a great way to kill a Saturday afternoon), but this was unwatchable. So, I clicked on my ipod and settled in with my 11/2”x2” screen. I have to admit, I really dug the first hour (and not just because I was a captive audience) and the subsequent 5 hours that I DVR’d upon my return. It had some major logistical issues and was a bit convoluted, but I suppose it was tailored to a 15 year old audience. What I liked about the show was it’s earnest original soundtrack (the track played over the beginning wedding scene sounded like an Exile in Guyville-era Liz Phair) and its mix of elements from Alias (a mysterious prophecy, romance with the handler, family issues), Kill Bill (an ass kicking sword fight finale with Stacy Keibler), and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (witty, bumbling sidekicks). In the words of Julie Andrews, these are a few of my favorite things. It's also based on a young adult novel that I should have written. Based on the response the show has received (and the cliffhanger ending), I smell an ABC Family series in the works. Would I watch it? Probably not (my DVR is already 83% full after one full week of fall TV premieres). But, I’m glad we had this time together, Samurai Girl.

A Shout Out from Dr. Will

From time to time, I check out my stats on Google Analytics. I can see how many people looked at my site, where the traffic came from, and what they searched on. I never got so much traffic as the time I mentioned Metro Station and Miley Cyrus. I’ll never make that mistake again . . . whoops (as I brace for the onslaught). Mostly, I assume people just get to my blog by accident since much of my traffic comes from Google Images. Oh, and my friends and family. So, imagine my surprise when I see 41 referrals from http://willkirby.com/. Wawaweewa? I searched for coldsake and I found a whole discussion thread on Dr. Will’s site, started by Dr. Will himself (another celeb caught googling himself!) Well, this is as exciting as my comment from Chris Young. Not only does this mean that Dr. Will saw my blog, a few of his fans even said it was funny. The rest picked on my photography skills (it was really dark in there people!) If I had known he was so nice, maybe I would’ve bugged him during dinner and gotten a real photo. Oh well, that’s what I get for being polite (and secretly taking covert photos of him instead). So just remember people – if you coldsake, I can see you . . .

Google Helps Me to Relive My Modeling Career

I’ve been an absentee blogger lately as I’ve switched into full-on nesting mode lately. (Fall TV? Emmys? Who cares! I’ve got a hundred onesies to wash and fold . . .oh, that’s bad priorities, I know). But I had to post in honor of Google’s 10^th Anniversary. Really, what would the internet be if you couldn’t waste a solid hour googling yourself? In celebration of their big day, Google unveiled their oldest available index. Yeah, you can google ipods and Sarah Palin and a whole bunch of other stuff that didn’t exist yet. I, keeping with tradition, googled myself, only to find I did not exist online in 2001 (I barely exist now, so I’m not surprised). I did remember one place I would be, however. In 2001, I had just gotten laid off from my stint at startup Smarterkids.com. They were an educational online toy store. Their story seemed ripped from the script of startup.com (including an IPO that opened at a price way higher than it would ever be again which equals Kiki loses a good chunk o’ change). Somehow, I became the face of Customer Support for Smarterkids. One day, I was minding my own business in my office (yeah, I was important. Important enough to share an office) when one of the marketing folks came around and said they were taking pictures. I agreed to have a mugshot taking, thinking it would never be used. I even donned a headset to look more official. To my surprise, I later appeared on the actual web site. What’s even crazier is that they left it up for years, even placing a santa hat on me around the holidays. It was my one stint at modeling and boy did it last. Sadly, I never got paid. So, when I was booted from my job unceremoniously when they moved operations to California, I considered pointing out to them they were using my likeness, but I knew they’d just yank it down, so I might as well enjoy my 15 minutes. Years later, the site was redesigned and then eliminated entirely. But, I am lucky to have this wonderful memento from google. So, please enjoy! And don't judge. I was into dark lipsticks then. And long, flat hair.

No Famous Faces, But Famous Places?

So my star-sighting trip to L.A, was less than star-studded. But, that doesn’t mean that we didn’t see some fabulous places. Take for example our tour of The Gamble House, a lovely arts and crafts bungalow in Pasadena. Built by Greene and Greene in 1909, this house is a shining example of craftsmanship in the U.S. What we wanted to know from our tour guide? Where does Doc Brown keep the DeLorean? That’s right, it’s the same house used for exterior shots in Back to the Future. And, for your information, the garage is now the giftshop and the DeLorean is no longer there. It was a very serious tour, focusing on wood joints, stained glass, Japanese accents. We were biting our tongue because we wanted to know what kind of electricity the house is wired with – 1.21 gigawatts perhaps? In which bathroom did Doc Brown fall while hanging the clock? Oh, we could have made jokes all day. Our guide didn’t mention the house’s brush with fame (including it’s other starring roles in Zathura and Firefly), so we kept our amusement to ourselves.

For the rest of the week, we hit every US Weekly location, from the Urth Café to the Newsroom Café with the Geisha House (as seen on The Hills) in between. One place we were too afraid to venture? The Chateau Marmont, or The Chateau as they call it. This is where John Belushi o.d.’d, Adam Levine and Jessica Simpson hooked up, and Lindsay fell off the wagon many a time. Despite it’s close proximity to our hotel, we couldn’t bring ourselves to go in. First of all, I didn’t want to pay $18 valet at the bottom of the hill just to be told I’m not cool enough at the top of the hill. Plus, we didn’t want to reenact that scene from Knocked Up where the bouncer tells Katherine Heigl to go home as she should be ashamed of trying to get her pregnant self into the club. “That’s not even good parenting.” So, I took my fat ass back to the hotel, nursed a club soda in The Tower Bar, and watched Sunset Boulevard (which we were actually on) before passing out with turndown service cookie crumbs on my chest. That folks, is good parenting.

Star Stalking in L.A.

So I’ve been away for a bit. We decided (or actually I decided and The Hubby begrudgingly agreed to accompany me) to go on a “babymoon” before Cold Sake Jr. arrives at the end of the year. Being the starf@cker I am, I wanted to go to L.A. It seemed absurd that I, a pop-culture blogger, had never been there. We’ve been devotees of New York City for some time, but never made it to the left coast (except for a drunken binge in wine country last spring). Also, what better time to go to L.A. when you’ve got a reason to be fat and bloated? L.A. loves babies – they cover the pages of every gossip magazine. So, but that logic, they’d love a short pregnant girl, right? I could get away with so much more than I normally would. So, I booked my flight, made my opentable reservations, and prepared for the onslaught of celebrities I would meet. Wow, wait until you hear who I met!

-When we checked into our hotel, The Sunset Tower, the bellman informed us that Jennifer Aniston eats at the restaurant all the time. Instead of sharing a cocktail in the bar, we looked at this half done billboard of her all week.

-The first night, after our flight was delayed too long in Philly due to fog and caused us to forfeit our tickets to Jimmy Kimmel, we decided to drown ourselves in expensive food and trekked to Mirabelle, close to our WeHo hotel. It was 8pm on Thursday and the place was DEAD empty. Except for . . .Eddie Griffin, having a serious meeting in the bar with his posse. I know he was a celebrity for sure because he gave us that paranoid look when I walked by (the same look Beyonce gave us in Nobu). As I adhered to my “don’t pester the celebs” moto, I just sauntered by him looking hot in my polka dot maternity dress. Fierce!

-For lunch on Saturday, we went to star studded Robertson Boulevard, home of Kitson, Lisa Kline, and The Ivy. Here are all my shots of the paparazzi outside The Ivy (which means someone famous was totally there -- I’m just not sure who). We ate at the Newsroom Café and then shopped the neighborhood. There was a total hoopla and red carpet outside Lisa Kiline Men, but we went in and the store seemed to be littered with wayward vodka and Redbulls, blaring DJ music, and a bunch of employees all congratulating themselves. We pretended to shop for a bit, but had no idea what was going on.

-On Saturday night, I somehow landed prime seats at Geisha House, restaurant of Mike Boogie of Big Brother fame. Our table was so good, it was right next to the kitchen. I figured that’ so they could get food to us faster, right? Well, haha, I had the last laugh when I had a prime view of Evil Dr. Will Kirby, also of Big Brother and Dr. 90210 fame. I took several pictures and this one was the best. Sorta like Bigfoot, but it was totes him.

-On Monday, we had a VIP tour of the Warner Brothers lot (meaning, you get the privilege of buying a ticket off their website). Our tour guy was great and let us loiter on an empty E.R. set. We saw lots of awesome houses, like the ones from Growing Pains, Gilmore Girls, Dukes of Hazzard, you name it. And, they took us down a street, where you could see an episode of Pushing Daisies around the corner. And, I totally saw Lee Pace (The Piemaker) behind a bush. No one else did, but I saw him.

So, to sum up, a whole week in L.A. and I spotted a half-done Jennifer Aniston billboard, Eddie Griffin, a herd of paparazzi, a grainy Dr. Will, and a questionable Piemaker. Wow, I think I’ve hit the bigtime, no?

And BTW: What Happened to Estelle on itunes?

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am loving the soon-to-be-overplayed "American Boy" by Estelle, featuring Kanye West. In the previous post, I set to link to this tune in order to allow my loyal readers a sampling of it’s fabulousness. But, I couldn’t find it on itunes at all. But the strange thing was, I bought it on itunes a few weeks ago – what gives? Well, I found out through a little googling detective work that Atlantic Records has yanked it from itunes in order to boost record sales, a la Kid Rock (the strategy worked for him in spades this summer). Are you kidding me? The New York Observer nailed it on the head when they explained that with itunes, the label “actually managed to find a way to charge people for music that they probably normally wouldn't buy, except for the fact that it's so easy. We love "American Boy," but would we go out of our way to buy it in the store when it's played every sixty minutes on Z100? Of course not! We'll never buy Estelle's album (no offense Estelle, but you look like a one-hit wonder to us), so it looks like we'll never own "American Boy" unless we decide to download it illegally (or figure out how to work Amazon's MP3 store, where the single is available.)” This reeks of the greed I saw a few months back when The CW yanked episodes of Gossip Girl from the web to boost ratings on television. Yeah, they’re back online now. So, give the people what they want, folks, and stop trying to manipulate how we consume your products! Sheesh!

The James Gang’s Got Talent

I watched a John Legend concert on TV sometime back. It was to promote Legend’s new album at the time, Once Again. The concert also featured artists from Legend’s own label, HomeSchool Records. We were introduced to Estelle (who’s song American Boy is on a loop in my head), Vaughn Anthony (Legend’s brother), and The James Gang. I thought Estelle and Anthony were okay, at the time, but I really enjoyed The James Gang’s vaudeville spin on Screamin' Jay Hawkins “I Put a Spell on You”. Unfortunately, though Estelle has seemingly hit the big time with her Kanye West duet, and Anthony’s EP is available on itunes, The James Gang was no where to be found. It doesn’t help that they share a name with a 70’s funk band, making google confusing. The other day, however, during NBC’s summer pabulum America’s Got Talent, I noticed they appeared for a split second in the commercial. After some research I confirmed it was indeed them. So, then I actually had to watch the last week’s episode. Their particular performance wasn’t great as it was mired in sloppy magic, but they earned raves from the judges and have gotten through to the next round. So do I have to watch this crappy show now in order to root for my boys? Not while Youtube exists. Below is a clip of their first performance on the show. And here’s hoping to an album in the future!

Kanye and Murakami Team Up for Video

And to show you I still got it, here's the new video from my two favorites, Kanye West and Cold Sake Hall of Famer Takashi Murakami:

Have I Mentioned I Am Officially Old?

I mentioned a few years back that I was getting too old for MTV when everything except for Laguna Beach seemed out of reach for me. Flash forward three years and considering I’ve never seen a complete episode of The Hills, the nail is in the coffin. I honestly don’t know the last time I’ve even turned that channel on. I don’t know where the new installment of the Real World is filming and I keep seeing these douchebags named Spencer and Heidi on various red carpets, but don’t know why. Getting out of touch is a slippery, slippery slope. Meanwhile, I’ve been planning a Babymoon for The Hubby and me. He wanted to go somewhere laid back, like the Caribbean. Food-born illnesses and hurricane season? Ich don’t think so. I wanted one last grasp at my youth. I want to go to Los Angeles before I have a kid in tow. Now I know I can’t go clubbing, lest I look like Kathryn Heigl in Knocked Up (“that’s not even good parenting”), but I figured I could get tickets to a few shows, eat in a Mike Boogie restaurant, and shop until I drop (which won’t take long). So, I registered for Jimmy Kimmel tickets and came across another opportunity – VMA seat filler. Ten years ago, this would have been a dream come true. Hell, twenty years ago, I would stay up late if my mom let me and would be exhausted for school the next day (why is it always the Sunday after school starts?). Today, I clicked on by. First, I’m busy on Sunday. I have some lovely historic homes in Pasadena to tour. Second, I have to pee every ten minutes and the logistics just weren’t working for me. Third, you have to give your stats to be cast. Yeah, no one knows my weight except me and my doc (I’m huge) and if I typed that in, they would assume there was an errant extra digit at the beginning of the number. No one could possibly be that short yet weigh as much as the defensive line of the Patriots! Lastly, unless we were filling Jay-Z and Beyonce’s seats, The Hubby and I wouldn’t be seated together. What’s the point of going to the VMAs if I can’t lean over and make catty comments about Britney’s weave (especially if I’m seated next to Britney)? So, I will cross my fingers I get love from Jimmy Kimmel. Otherwise, I’m on the hunt for the best cupcake in West Hollywood. And to bed by 10pm, thank you.

Hiring Ben McKenzie

Wow, has it been a week and a half? Sorry about that. There’s been nothing going on in the world (damn Olympics), plus I’ve been away celebrating my friends Travis and Jodi’s wedding. Now that my DVR is recognizing the existence of fall TV, let’s ramp it back up! So, in order to feel constantly inspired, I leave myself little notes of future topics to blog about (which I shoulda checked last week). I wrote a note early last spring when the unbuzzworthy Al Pacino flim 88 Minutes premiered. In the preview, I saw the erstwhile Ben McKenzie, last seen when the O.C. signed off in ’07. The note was simply titled “Ben McKenzie needs a job.” You see, I was hardcore into O.C. reruns on Soapnet at the time, and I got a full dose of his talent and was missing him. I’m dead serious. I’ve always appreciated the comic timing of Adam Brody (Seth Cohen), but in the later episodes,McKenzie and Brody would play off of each other like the hipster Martin and Lewis (you know, after Marissa kicked it and he grew a sense of humor). Before that, he perfected the brood – he could melt you with one steely glance. Sure, he has a potato nose like a young Karl Malden, but the boy had chops. Lastly, he was a little too realistic as the stone-faced, emotionally stunted husband in Junebug. So, I was happy to read yesterday that E.R.’s John Wells was considering him for a new cop series (I thought we didn’t need another one either, but there actually aren’t a lot on these days besides The Shield and L&O franchises). So good luck Ben McKenzie. We hope you get a job really soon!

Kiki’s Hellraising Experience

With the impending arrival of Cold Sake Jr., I’ve started to experience some nightly discomfort. It starts with a tingling in my leg and ends with watching Last Call with Carson Daly in a fit of insomnia. Bad right? As much of Western medicine is off limits to me in my current situation, I decided to kick my crunchiness up a notch, and go all east up in here, from neti pot to needles. That’s right, I jumped into acupuncture wit both feet. First of all, the neighborhood made it unavoidable. The acupuncture is situated between my maternal yoga class and a Whole Foods (where I bought the damn neti pot). So, I think they used super strong magnets to kidnap me and get me there. Inside, it seems like it’s on the up and up – no dead chickens hanging from the ceiling or anything. Just a skylight and some very sterile looking procedure rooms. So, I met with my acupuncturist, Jason. He was not wearing a turban – he was actually dressed like a lawyer. We went over my issues (the fact that it feels like someone is stabbing me in my leg every night with a million knives). We decided Cold Sake Jr. has his or her little bum on a nerve. The remedy for such seems to be around thirty needles from my toe to my thigh. The first time I went, it was pretty conservative, completely painless, and left one tiny blue bruise on my thigh. The tingling got a little milder, but did not disappear (which is what I was expecting as acupuncture is not an instant fix). The next time I went, we decided to get more aggressive and go apeshit with twice as many needles. He even put one in each wrist for some lingering nausea. He left me alone to chill out to some classical music (sitting in a chair with no pants, since preggies can’t lie on their back). I was afraid I would bump a needle and drive it into a vital leg organ, but it seemed to be fine. Looking down I couldn’t help but laugh, because my leg bore a close resemblance to this guy (see photo). After a half hour, Jason returned, removed the needles, and he proposed I stick some tiny ball bearings decals in my ears for the “microsystem” that controls my thigh. He said it would prolong the treatment and despite what I feared, no one had ever lost a sticker down the ear canal. It looks like a fancy piercing from the planet Vulcan, but it seems to be working. I have a few more bruises, but I’ve had many nights of good sleep, so it’s worth it. I go back tomorrow, so we’ll see how it goes. Who knows? It could be the placebo affect or maybe the baby realized that Carson Daly isn’t that good and it’s not worth waking me up for. There will be plenty of time for overnight TV next year kid, trust me.

Remembering Bernie Mac

America! I know I am a few days late with this post, but it’s no less sincere. In honor of the passing of Bernie Mac, I bring you my favorite clip of one of the original Kings of Comedy:

Itunes, Les Miz, Megan Mullally and NPH: How Do These Things Go Together?

If you know me or have read my blog, you know that I can be a giant nerd. So don't be surprised when I tell you about the latest thing that floats my boat. So, the other night, when I was waiting for The Hubby to bring me Chinese food to enjoy in an orgy of Olympic opening ceremonial goodness, I was listening to the Itunes on random shuffle. This is a dangerous thing in our house -- you could get something super-cool, like "Lazy Eye" from Silversun Pickups, something weird like N'Sync singing the "Star-Spangled Banner" (a moment of pre-Itunes song stealing weakness, I'm sure) to any one of The Hubby's grownup classical tunes (I can't judge him with what I'm about to tell you). So, I was overjoyed when "Confrontation" from the Les Miserables Broadway Soundtrack came up. This song is great because it is a powerful, intricately layered argument between anti-hero Jean Valjean and the evil Javert. I haven't heard that song in ages, not since I threw Les Miz over for Rent in college. It then reminded me of an awesome clip for the Megan Mullally Show (I know, right?) which featured the cast of How I Met Your Mother. I think I discovered this clip on a random sick day before the show was canceled. Somehow, NPH and Jason Segel break out into song -- this song -- and it is legendary. Due to the miracle of Youtube, I will share with you all. Please enjoy.



And if you're feeling too smart after that, I will now Barrack-roll you:


And if you're feeling stupid, here is an explanation of the genesis of that clip, the Rickroll.

Always Be on Your Best Behavior Before A Car Accident

There’s been a lot of summer blockbuster stars involved in car crashes lately – Shia (the Muthaf*ckin” Beef as BWE.TV calls him) LaBoeuf and Morgan Freeman. But they were not alone during their incidetns. The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’s Shia was apparently with Adrian Grenier’s girlfriend Isabel Lucas (sister has a thing for curly haired boys with strange names) when he flipped his car in West Hollywood last month. You don’t want to mess with the Beef but I bet Vinny Chase is even scarier when he gets all Hulky and angry. In other news, The Dark Knight’s Morgan Freeman was with a lady friend during his accident, which got the word out that he’s sorta separated from his wife. Double ouch. So not only do these two dudes have to convalesce, but now they have to deal with inappropriate passenger fallout. Mark my words, before I have a car accident, I’m going to make sure my passenger isn’t someone I’m having an illicit affair with. I’ll push ‘em out the door with my foot before we have impact. Fo shizz.

The Story Behind the Paris Hilton Ad

Ah ha. I thought the Paris Hilton response to the McCain ad was really funny, but despite her. The real credit goes to her writers. Who are those mystery people, I wondered? Well, turns out, they brought in the big guns for this – The Funny Or Die folks (or funnee ordee as The Hubby once said phonetically when seeing the url). Yep, the spot was written by Adam McKay (who also wrote and pimped out his daughter to star in this clip, which makes me so happy that I have a reason to post this since it’s one of the best things on the interwebs, in my opinion) and was produced by Chris Henchy (writer and producer of Entourage, Brooke Shield’s husband for the slow class). It was directed by newcomer Jake Szymanski (who is currently best known as the caterer in Step Brothers. Good job Jake!). So, there is some major funny behind the blonde. And without further ado:

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Itunes Has No Love for Sukiyaki

For my b-day this year, The Hubby gifted me with among other things, an Itunes gift card. It’s been a while since I’ve bought anything, but I’ve been jonesing for the Kate Nash album (in it’s entirety). I usually will just buy songs as I like them and I usually have to love a whole album (I used to have a 3 song rule before Itunes – I must hear 3 songs from the album in order to warrant the purchase) or the artist in general before I will shell out my nine bucks. So, I bought Made of Bricks based on just my quick perusal, and my instincts were correct (it’s great). With almost fifteen dollars burning a hole in my account, I thought I would thank The Hubby and buy him a song he’s wanted for some time – Sukiyaki by Kyu Sakamoto or "Ue o muite arukō" as it’s know in Japan. We have long liked this classic song for the 60’s and were reminded of it the other night during Mad Men (yay! by the way) in a scene where Don Draper is drowing his sorrows in Mai Tais in a cheesy Polynesian restaurant. So, I went on to Itunes and searched by the song title – a whopping 86 versions came up. Everything from the syrupy Taste of Honey mis-translated cover (in English) from the 80’s, a spicy Selena version en Espanaol, and a Japanglish cover by The Four Preps. Alas, no Kyu Sakamoto. First, he gets disrespected by all of America (changing the poetic lyrics of his song to the name of a Japanese dish because they couldn’t understand the full title) and now, no Itunes love? Well that’s just not fair. Therefore, I am inducting Sukiyaki into the Cold Sake Hall Of Fame.

And here’s a stream of the song for your listening pleasure:

Bananas for Coconut Records

Have you heard the new tunes by Coconut Records? I’ve been grooving to West Coast and Nighttiming lately and I had to get to the bottom of who this mystery band is. Well, turns out it’s not a band at all – it’s the solo project of actor Jason Schwartzman. You know, the guy from Rushmore and Darjeeling Limited? Cousin of Sophia Coppola and Nicholas Cage? Son of Adrian from Rocky? Brother of Robert Schwartzman from Rooney? (The family tree is astounding) . Anyway, I found out the Jason used to be the drummer for Phantom Planet. Phantom Planet sings the best TV theme song of all time, California from The O.C. I thought the song West Coast sounds O.C.-ready. Well, turns out the song was featured on The O.C., before the show was cancelled last year! Damn, I need a job as music supervisor of a TV show. And do you think the Coppolas will adopt me? What’s one more kid?

She Kissed a Gym Class Hero Before She Kissed a Girl

I am posting this today mostly because I am proud of myself. I just want to gloat about my power of observation. You know that song, the one that’s been stuck in your head for weeks and is about to get mucho annoying – I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry? Well, I realized where we’ve seen her before. Yes, some of you might know her from her cult song last year, Ur So Gay. But, you also know her from somewhere else – in the video for the song of last summer, Cupid’s Chokehold by Gym Class Heroes. She plays the third girlfriend of frontman Travis McCoy. I deduced this based on an article in this week’s issue of Entertainment Weekly where they mention the two are dating in real life. She has such a unique sense of style (Madonna meets Lily Allen) that it became quite obvious (and a quick search on the interwebs confirmed it, so I know I'm not the first one to have this realization, but I did arrive at this conclusion myself). I don’t know if she’s in the video because they are dating or they met during the video, but they are a funky little couple. And he doesn’t seem to mind when she kisses girls and likes it.

Compare for yourself below (if you don’t believe me):

Matthew McConaughey is My Doula

Congratulations to Matthew McConaughey on the birth of son Levi. He recently did an exclusive interview with OK Magazine where he describes the birth as follows:

"We found a great rhythm," Matthew tells OK! about the delivery of baby Levi. "Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music."

Is it just me, or does that sound awesome? I think I want to hire the McConster as my birthing coach. How much do you think he charges by the hour? Is whatever he’s smoking included in the price? At the least I have to get some of the Brazilian music he likes so much so The Hubby can start DJing. I’m sure when I’m in the throws of labor dancing will sound like an excellent idea. Nothing better to do, right? Oh, and it should be noted that his girlfriend Camila ended up having both an epidural and a C-section, so maybe Matty should stick to his day job – playing bongos in the nude . . .

Happy Birthday Wil Wheaton

Today is my birthday. Sure, I share it with Gnarls Barkley’s Danger Mouse, Stephen Dorff, Days of Our Lives’s Bryan Dattilo, Martina McBride, fashion gurus Cynthia Rowley and Tim Gunn, Paulie Walnuts, and Captain Lou Albano. But my favorite person to share it with is Wil Wheaton. You see, I wasn’t a normal child. While most girls my age were lusting after Bon Jovi and Kirk Cameron, I had my sights set on gawky Wil. I fell in love with his bony little frame when my parents begrudgingly let me watch the R-rated Stand By Me. I was head over heels when he joined the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I even had my dad take me to a few Star Trek conventions, in hope of a sighting (alas, all I got was John de Lancie and George Takei, which I didn’t appreciate at the time). I even wrote my one and only fan letter to Wil (but I don’t think I ever mailed it). It went something like “Dear Wil, I’ve never written to anyone before . . .” I used to dream he’d take me to a romantic date on the Holodeck, where we’d hold hands and sit on the beach. Soon, he left the show and I lost interest in favor of real boys (enter The Hubby). I heard a few years ago that Wil was a computer programmer and had married an older lady with kids. Recently, we have reconnected via his blog, (meaning that I read his blog). He’s also been a talking head on I Love the 80’s and I Love The New Millenium on VH1, a writer, and a conventioneer, bless him. He's even been acting again. I was so happy he didn’t go the way of his Stand By Me cast mates, Corey Feldman or, God forbid, River Phoenix. Though, the fat kid ain’t doing too bad (see below). Who thought Jerry O’Connell would be the hot one? Anyway, Wil seems nice and normal, with a good family and a fond affection for his inner geekdom. Happy 35^th, Wil. Let’s share a cake sometime.

Update: Baby Romijn O'Connell Stamos Jr.

An update on a story I brought you last week -- Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell have announced their efforts were successful and Rebecca will be having twins this winter! Well played, Jerry, well played.

The Preggo Posse

So, I’ve dropped little hints about my impending bundle of joy lately (nothing like telling your family and friends about your being on the nest through your blog. That’s technology). I promise this will not turn into a pregnancy blog, because frankly, that’s boring. I will discuss it as it relates to celebrities I want to gossip about. So, we begin. Last year, I remember feeling insanely jealous about Nicole Kidman, Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie, because everyone was flaunting their pregnancies and I got nothing. I knew by the time I was preggos everyone in Hollywood would be done having families and they’d all have their tubes tied. No bump watch, no celebrity stroller recommendations, no more baby showers sponsored by some fancy label, in the name of charity. So, even though I missed the last cut, I was thrilled to know I am not on this journey alone. My best make-believe gal pal is along with me, Jennifer Garner. With a baby as cute as Violet, how could she not be (the new kid will probably get all the other genes)? But wait, there’s more – Ashley Simpson-Wentz had a shotgun wedding and a mad craving for green olives. Alison Sweeney will drop the bomb on the newest installment of the Biggest Loser that she will be gaining while the poor contestants will be struggling to lose. Former BL Host Caroline Rhea (I know, sorta C team, but I’ll take what I can get. Unless Angelina pulls a Britney and has Irish quadruplets) was looking ha-yooge on Regis and Kelly yesterday (and thank God she’s not far ahead of me, which made me feel like less of a cow). Oh, and don’t forget about the O.G. Baby Mama, Amy Poehler , whose NBC sitcom is now delayed until next year, thanks to her bun. And Jerry O’Connell is actively trying to impregnate Rebbecca Romijn and telling the media about it, which further backs up my point that he needs a job. So, looks like I’ll be in good company through the end of this year, and then there are all the make-believe play dates next year. Can’t wait.

Feeling Viral

There are some viral videos I just do not get, such as this one:

I am convinced the lion is not greeting them, but looking for a way to eat them. Everyone keeps crying when they see it, but my cold cold sake heart just doesn’t get it. Other videos do touch me, however. Such as this one, of the Showbiz Pizza Characters singing Usher’s “Love in This Club.”

Not only is it a genius of inspiration, creativity, and technical skills, it also made me appreciate an otherwise crappy song. So, I was delighted to read this article yesterday explaining the origin of the video with way more back story and drama than you would think animatronics animals singing a hip-hop song should have. I won’t give it away, but read all the drama here. Makes me crave cardboard pizza, pitchers of warm Coke, and pits full of sticky, multi-colored balls. See, a lion in Africa – doesn’t strike a cord. Skeeball? Brings back memories. I guess it’s what’s personal to you. Which doesn’t explain my love for this video:

Or maybe it does . . .

The Bad Boys of Cold Sake

Every girl likes a bad boy right? Wrong! Kiki likes ‘em nice, skinny, honest, and non-violent. So, imagine my dismay this morning when I saw not one, but two of my boy crushes in the news for doing bad things. Sigh, it pains me to even think about it.

First up, we have Christian Bale. You know him as Batman. Fine. Before that he was Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. I knew him as the angel voice from Empire of the Sun (“Hey kid, you wanna Hershey bar?”). I loved that movie, even though I thought it was set in some weird corner or England until recently (never said was a genius). Anyway, he swept me off my feet in Little Women as the sensitive, dashing Laurie. So, imagine my horror when I find out that Christian Bale was arrested this morning for assaulting his mom and sister! Assaulting Mom and Sis? What kind of monster does that? I mean, I could see maybe some well placed noogies or Indian burns on your sister, but enough to escalate to an arrest? What the hell happened in that hotel room? And the police waited until after the premier to arrest him. How kind. I hope they consult the schedules of all of their criminals before arresting them. Anyway, seems like Patrick Bateman may be closer to the truth. I honestly expected more from Gloria Steinem’s stepson.

Next, is Balthazar Getty. Though he did not do anything legally wrong, it’s just morally wrong. So, Balthazar and I go way back. I first remember seeing him in Lord of the Flies and I thought he was the cutest. He blessed my closet door by way of at least one page torn out of Bop. I kept my eye out for him throughout the years. I even stuck by Balty as he went through a whole messy male Paris Hilton drug phase (he is the grandson of J.P. Getty after all). So, I was happy to see him resurface in Alias a few years ago. And then, again, on Brothers and Sisters. Well, life is imitating art because just as on the show, he has split from his just-gave-birth wife. They had baby #4 in October and he was seen canoodling with Sienna Miller (who was topless) on a boat. He claims he and his wife are separated, but dude, show a little respect. Topless, on a boat, really?

So, my list of Kiki’s 80’s crushes is growing shorter by the minute. All I have to say is, please don’t disappoint me at a drunken orgy at Comicon, Wil Wheaton.

Emmy Time!

So, the Emmy nominations are out. I know it's over a couple months away, but I'm excited for the return of awards season. All my favorites have been nominated – Mad Men, Neil Partick Harris from How I Met Your Mother, This American Life, Pushing Daisies and The Amazing Race. Strike and all this year, it was a crappy TV season, but it should be a great ceremony. I never realized how vast the actual nominations are, however. There are hundreds of categories. There are the important ones you see on TV, and then there are all the nerds who get their awards in a “special ceremony.” Here are some observations:

-They award Emmys for casting! There are 3 categories – comedy, drama, and special or miniseries. Wow, that’s not gonna be on TV. Along with the categories for Hair, Makeup and Choreography (big surprise, So You Think You Can Dance is nominated for 3 out of the 5 slots).

I knew this from working in advertising (since we used to win this category from time to time) but there is an Emmy for Best Commercial! Snooze!

-30 Rock is nominated for 7 Guest Actor/ Actress slots. They should win the Will and Grace Lifetime Achievement Award for Stunt Casting.

-Ryan Seacrest and Heidi Klum could add “Emmy Winner” pre-fixes to their names if either wins Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality - Competition Program. But can we acknowledge that Padma from Top Chef has been shut out?

This award needs to be on-air no matter what: Outstanding Original Music And Lyrics as I want to hear the presenter read the nominees including 'I'm F***ing Matt Damon' And how sad is it that if Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman win, they won’t be celebrating together?

-Oh, and it’s two categories as both the Matt Damon and Ben Affleck versions were nominated for Outstanding Picture Editing Of Clip Packages For Talk, Performance, Award Or Reality Competition Programs

-Omissions: Where the heck is Big Love in the nominations? All they get is a nod for Guest Actress? Not cool. I wouldn’t mess with ladies in prairie dresses and tall hair if I were them. Also, where’s Jon and Kate Plus 8? Little People, Big World got a nod for music composition. Isn’t there anything you can give to eight cute children? Why isn’t there a category for Best Doody Extraction? They would clean up, if so.

-Outstanding Drama – Boston Legal was nominated? Really? Really. Can we agree that Boston Legal and Entourage do no deserve a damn thing this season? It’s like Frasier all over again.

So, see you on September 21, kids! Get your cocktails and cigarettes ready, because I think Mad Men is going to sweep!

First Impressions of Big Brother 10

It’s Big Brother time again! Power up the Chen-bot and let’s get ready for another installment. So, I’ve been watching this week and the cast is so far mostly dim-bulbs (with a few supposed “puppet-masters”). Last night, we saw the departure of Brian, who thought he was Dr. Will, except he was non-too-subtle in making alliances. Here are my impressions on the rest of the crew:

Angie – My favorite so far. She seems like a nice, normal, down-to-earth gal. She’ll probably end up being “one of the guys,” so hopefully that will work to her advantage. She also bears a slight resemblance to Moon Bloodgood from my favorite canceled show of last fall, Journeyman.

April – One of the two house Barbies. She’s already fallen tits over stilettos for Ollie. We’ll see how smart she is as time goes on, or if the blonde goes all the way. She is a financial manager after all. At first I thought she had her own hedge fund, but she’s the hottie at the car dealership that sells you a loan, so not so much. Also, she was billed as being OCD in her bio, so I’m hoping for a little cuckoo storeroom organizing, if you know what I mean.

Dan – The catholic school teacher who made an alliance with the first person to be voted out, so I’m not impressed so far. I also get the distinct feeling from him that he’s going to do something worthy of getting him fired from his job. That’s okay, he can just “go to confession” afterwards, as he stated in one of his interviews. Sure, pal, that helps you get your job back.

Jerry – I knew the house “grandpa” would get nominated into HOH right away. But, he’s easily manipulated as judged by his interactions with Brian. As someone who claims he hasn’t missed an episode in BB history, I hope he knows he is now a marked man . . .

Jessie – Maybe he could play the game if he stopped looking at his own muscles for 30 seconds. This professional body-builder seems to be a one-trick-pony of testosterone. I do not expect him to go far in this game.

Keesha – The only white girl in history named Keesha. The other Barbie of the house is also a Hooters waitress. I predict a Playboy contract, but not a ½ mil as she has already pissed the other Barbie off. Hair extensions and little plastic shoes may start flying everywhere if they throw down.

Libra – Libra gets “Mother of the Year” award for leaving a 4-year-old daughter and 5-month-old twins (!) at home. Hopefully I can get past this fact at some point, but I seethe every time she’s on screen. She’s also a weird mix of Gabrielle Union and Michelle Obama. Fist bump!

Memphis – This can’t be his real name. It reminds me of the scene in Forrest Gump: “There was Dallas, from Phoenix; Cleveland - he was from Detroit; and Tex... well, I don't remember where Tex come from.” Memphis from L.A. is a mixologist, or a bartender for us regular folk. Brian believes him to be the biggest threat (after himself). Make me a virgin martini first, Memphis, then we’ll see.

Michelle – She’s the around-the-way girl from my neck of the woods. She seemed like a mouthy broad who WILL kick your ass in the first episode. The last two days, she’s gone into the wood paneling. Maybe her day will be coming soon.

Ollie – The son of a preacher-man fell in love with Barbie #1 (April) at first sight. I believe he’s going to go Church-boys Gone Wild and give us something to look at on BB After Dark.

Renny – I really hoped she would be leaving us last night. Holy crap, is she annoying. I bet the house is going to assume they can always get rid of her. Therefore, I reluctantly predict Renny to be the winner of BB10.

Stephen – I haven’t seen much of the gay rodeo cowboy this week. Which means I have nothing further to say other than: “Big Brother, I wish I could quit you . . .”