Prepare for the Rapture -- The End is Near

Are you ready for Armageddon? Because it’s coming you know. There have been so many natural disasters this year, it must be in the book of Revelations somewhere. Floods, fires, hurricanes. We even had a 1.5 earthquake north of Boston recently. And now, I see a woman with 16 children talking to Matt Lauer. It can only mean one thing – this woman is amassing an army of the righteous for the final battle. They dress alike, their names all begin with J and they all play the violin. And she’s not stopping at 16 neither – she’s receiving whatever gifts the lord giver her. I hope I’m on the good side because Bird Flu is a coming and then it’s all over – it’ll be just like The Stand (or Lost . . . is there a polar bear plague coming?) Is there a terror alert level for fucked?