Why The OC Sucks Now

It was at the second half of last season that my favorite show about snotty teens in California started to decline. Let’s analyze the rise and fall of The OC. First a list of why it used to be good:

-Classic fish-out-of-water story in the tradition of 90210. Brandon = Ryan, Brenda=Seth. Does that make Marissa=Dylan?
-So bad that it was good. There was the obligatory party, complete with wait staff and passed hors d'oeuvres every episode and someone was gonna fall in the pool. And let’s not forget about all the macking. The first episode even had some coke snorting.
-Seth was geeky and hot and listens to cool music (like his obsession with Death Cab for Cutie). He was cute in ways geeks never are, ‘cause let’s face it, no one in my school looked like him -- even the cool guys were uglies compared to my OC boyz.
-Ryan in those sexy wife beaters (they really distracted from his Karl Malden-like nose!)
-The fact that Marissa was a raging alcoholic (Summer to a drunk Seth: “You smell like Marissa!”)
-Summer in the Wonder Woman costume (how did my husband get into my blog?)
-Peter “would you like a schmear” Gallagher. You gotta love an Irish Jew.

Why it sucks now:
-Peter “laying the schmear on too thick” Gallagher. Now he’s channeling Fiddler on the Roof.
-Product placements. Like when Sandy said, “Let me just buy our plane tickets at AA.com!” or when Julie told summer to go watch tv because they have Comcast Digital! Can you at least try to work it into the plot, guys?
-Kirsten became an alcoholic over the course of one episode, entered re-hab in the next, and now has had a multi-episode recovery! She’s spent more time in rehab than drinking. As Sandy Cohen said proudly in season one, “Kirsten loves her Merlot!” Maybe she should talk to Marissa since her alcoholism doesn’t seem to be an issue.
-What happened to Ryan’s baby mama Theresa, Kirsten’s half-sister, Ryan’s mother, Luke, Oliver, Anna, Alex, and a host of other characters that seemed to disappear from the face of the earth once their story arc was over? Can we keep a few characters around to keep it interesting? I’m kinda sick of staring at the same 4 people.
-What happened to Marissa’s lesbian tendencies?
-The writers missed the opportunity for a cool prison scene with Marissa when the murder trial never happened. Where are those lesbian tendencies now, Marissa?
-Is that Vice Principal evil Mr. Belding or what? He’s a villain too lame to hate.
-Seth has no storyline at all, except for chasing evil Mr. Belding.

Here’s a few things that would be cool:
-Bring back Marissa’s sister from boarding school all grown-up and hot-like. She could be a little nasty and stir the pot!
-Have the writers outline an actual plotline, not make it up as they go along.
-Don’t be so goddam serious and issue-y all the time. Look back to the simpler times of Christmukah, when it was absurd and funny without somebody getting raped or murdered.

Now if only baseball would end so we could watch it!