The Bad Boys of Cold Sake

Every girl likes a bad boy right? Wrong! Kiki likes ‘em nice, skinny, honest, and non-violent. So, imagine my dismay this morning when I saw not one, but two of my boy crushes in the news for doing bad things. Sigh, it pains me to even think about it.

First up, we have Christian Bale. You know him as Batman. Fine. Before that he was Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. I knew him as the angel voice from Empire of the Sun (“Hey kid, you wanna Hershey bar?”). I loved that movie, even though I thought it was set in some weird corner or England until recently (never said was a genius). Anyway, he swept me off my feet in Little Women as the sensitive, dashing Laurie. So, imagine my horror when I find out that Christian Bale was arrested this morning for assaulting his mom and sister! Assaulting Mom and Sis? What kind of monster does that? I mean, I could see maybe some well placed noogies or Indian burns on your sister, but enough to escalate to an arrest? What the hell happened in that hotel room? And the police waited until after the premier to arrest him. How kind. I hope they consult the schedules of all of their criminals before arresting them. Anyway, seems like Patrick Bateman may be closer to the truth. I honestly expected more from Gloria Steinem’s stepson.

Next, is Balthazar Getty. Though he did not do anything legally wrong, it’s just morally wrong. So, Balthazar and I go way back. I first remember seeing him in Lord of the Flies and I thought he was the cutest. He blessed my closet door by way of at least one page torn out of Bop. I kept my eye out for him throughout the years. I even stuck by Balty as he went through a whole messy male Paris Hilton drug phase (he is the grandson of J.P. Getty after all). So, I was happy to see him resurface in Alias a few years ago. And then, again, on Brothers and Sisters. Well, life is imitating art because just as on the show, he has split from his just-gave-birth wife. They had baby #4 in October and he was seen canoodling with Sienna Miller (who was topless) on a boat. He claims he and his wife are separated, but dude, show a little respect. Topless, on a boat, really?

So, my list of Kiki’s 80’s crushes is growing shorter by the minute. All I have to say is, please don’t disappoint me at a drunken orgy at Comicon, Wil Wheaton.