Chef for Sale

Do you want to purchase a large ginger Italian chef with a penchant for booze, coke, and eating things out of the garbage (source: Heat)? Because there is one on the market. It’s the trendy thing to do. The miniature versions seem to be the most popular -- Martha Stewart just bought a good-luck troll edition (Emeril Lagasse) to bat around like a bored kitten during her daily TV show. Oprah bought two. First, there’s the little Brittish one under the guise of being a charity judge (Jamie Oliver). He comes with his own track jacket, pint, and comedy sayings (Pukka Tukka!). She bought a girl one too, but it’s getting kind of worn out and she may be getting ready to sell soon (Rachael Ray). She’s got her own catch phrases too (Delish! EVOO!) and sidekick (band-geek husband John Cusimano). Mario Batali can be yours too, for the low-low price of a reality show (I’m looking at you, Donald Trump). I myself am saving up for the tall, hard-living kind complete with thumb rings and a 3-pack a day habit (Anthony Bourdain). Though, the semi-drunk, semi-decorating, semi-cook may be semi-fun too (Sandra Lee). Half price.