An Open Letter to Ryan

Ryan, it’s great that you’ve had so much success at such a young age. Going from intern to the corporate offices at Dunder Mifflin? Impressive. But, if you were a bit of a tool in B-school (as is everybody), then you’re a real douchebag now. You’ve got to cool it with the Peruvian marching powder, now. Just say no, like Nancy Reagan told you (oh, maybe you’re a bit young for that). Keep going at this rate, and you’ll get fired. Or be hired to management at a major advertising agency. Either way, it’s up to you.

P.S. If you ever hope to get laid again, you need better wingmen than Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, and a Hobbit.