Kiki Live Blogs the Grammys!

11:30 Time for bed. See y'all mañana.

11:28 The big enchillada -- Grammy of the Year (and Usher calls out Kanye. Poor Kanye). Wait, Herbie Hancock won? Aw, frig, I've been sitting here the last four hours for nothing.

11:25 When did Will.I.am get his Ph.D? Was it in spelling (he sure loves to). That was a whole lot o' nuthin' tho.

11:17 Little Richard is surprised. And wearing two bad wigs at the same time.

11:13 More old people -- John Fogherty, Little Richard, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Are they sure all 3 are still alive?

11:04 Hi Josh Groban! The Opera tribute ain't so bad.

11:00 My favorite part -- the parade of the dead! Gets me every time.

10:58 Boring speech from the Prez. Fighting the good fight against me stealing music off the interwebs.

10:49 Record of the Year -- Another Winehouse win? Yes! Bitch is cleaning up tonight. Is she finally going to get to accept an award? Hugs all around. Wow, she talks like a thug -- Ray Ray, me Blake, who's incarcerated. Next thing you know, she'll have a grill and a band-aid on her cheek, like Nelly.

10:47 Tony Bennet and Natalie Cole -- they're really wheeling all the old folks out tonight, aren't they. Umm, is Doris Day still alive? Natalie Cole needs a new wig.

10:42 Yay! The Winehouse is on! What an intimate setting. And it's good to see she's standing upright and coherent. Also, You Know I'm Know Good is my favorite song on the album. Oh, wait, segue into Rehab. And a shout-out to Mr. Fielder-Civil at that. Wow, she killed. Worth the wait.

10:35 Rhianna, I liked your other hair better. And it looks like Jay-Z is taking a page out of Kanye's book and pontificating in the 3rd person.

10:34 I don't like the way Juan-ez is looking at Taylor Swift. She's not technically jailbait, but still.

10:25 Unlike the Oscars, Lifetime Award winners here don't get to say a word. I like ('cause really, I'm sure Isaac Perlman is a nice man, but not really interested in what he has to say). Joy, Herbie Hancock. Can't he play Rockit instead of Gershwin? That would be sick.

10:19 Vince Gil just threw down on stage and called out Kanye. Dude, do you even have a posse (Amy Grant doesn't count). Kanye rolls deep, brother. Don't go there.

10:18 Ringo and Dave Stewart are twinnies in their dark glasses. Otherwise, don't care who wins the Best Country something category.

10:15 Douchie McDouche (John Mayer) just came out to jam with Alicia. Nice of her to allow some other people on stage.

10:12 Wow, that was a long break in between, right? Commercials! Okay, now, Stevie Wonder presents (someone should get that man a new jacket. He's been wearing that one since the 25th Grammys) Alicia Keys. No fair, why does she get two songs when there are some people who haven't gone on yet? And black and silver is the it color tonight, people.

10:03 Keeley doesn't know where she is. I hope her ride back to the old folks home is coming soon . . .

10:01 Dissapointment -- Kid Rock's "lady friend" is an OLD lady. My husband tells me she's a famous jazz musician, but I've never heard of her. I have heard of Keeley Shaye Smith, Pierce Brosnan's wife. That's some palpable sexual tension on stage betweem Kid and Keeley, dontcha think?

9:59 Finally, the show is back. Feist is cool, she sounds great. But the song is really missing a blue sequined pantsuit and backup dancers.

9:48 A shout out to my also live blogging sisters at EW.com: http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/02/live-blogging-t.html
I feel vindicated that they agree with many of my points.

9:42 We're entering the boring middle parts of the show First country, now gospel. When do the nominees for best Native American album (real category, I swear) come out? Eh, it is Aretha, though. She is the Queen of Soul after all. I suppose it's very artistic. Just not very humor condusive, if ya know what I mean.

9:37 Who invited Beyonce's little sis, Solange? It would be cool if Jay-Z won best rap album as they're practically in-laws. Oh, Kanye won. I like that too. He's like a second cousin once removed to Solange. And for the record, it's "mama" shaved into the back of his head. I feel there's a tender mom moment about be cut off. Nice, he just got them to stop the annoying play-off music. I love his audacity.

9:33 Who invited the comedian (George Lopez)? He's introducing Brad Paisley, who's not my country cup of tea (don't feel bad, brother, there are only a select few out there). I like his wife, Kimberly Williams, though. Where's she at?

9:30 The announcer mentioned Kid Rock's new female friend before the break. Who is it? He and Am Winehouse would go well together.

9:21 The Foo are on. On that note, I'm getting some Foo-D.

9:20 The My Grammy Moment Winner is. . .don't care.

9:13 Nelly Furtado looks like my mom. Nice hair, Nelly. Oh, but I looooove Burt Bacharach. And song of the year is (does it seem like they've only handed out 2 awards so far?) Please, Amy Winehouse. And the grammy goes to Amy! Yes! Why can't she accept via satellite? I wanna hear her ramble on a bit.

9:10 I bet Rollin' on a River is about to get wild. Wait for it . . .

9:05 Tina Turner looks good, but who stole her neck? Maybe Ike got it in the divorce. She is the original Melinda Dolittle

9:03 It's Cher. What is she wearing or what's wearing her? Those are quite the legs Beyonce.

8:55 Thank God, the song is over. Ooh, the soundtrack category. Once better win! Isn't Dreamgirls like 400 years old. Denied! Love wins, which I thought was theatre, not even a movie. Not fair. But I guess you can't beat the Beatles. Sorry, Once, I'm pulling for you for the Oscars. Hi Ringo!

8:52 What is Fergie singing? It kinda sucks. But I love John Legend. The song is about stripping, I think.

8:45 I freakin' love Kanye. It's good to see him back at it. I need those sunglasses. But he's wailing like a banshee. Is he hurt? I like his robot DJs. Oh, but now he's doing a tribute to his mom. Man, he kills me. But, what's shaved into the back of his head. All rise for the standing O.

8:35 Didn't Jason Bateman get a ticket? Why is he outside? He's getting cuter than when he was on the Hogan Family every day. But I really hate the Foo Fighters. And it's some sort of contest to vote for part of their orchestra. Can we just get of the American Idol tip, people? Didn't they do this last year with Justin Timberlake and some broad? Or was that the American Music awards. I can't remember now. Anyway, all three sound the same to me -- boring!

8:35 Yes! Amy Winehouse wins best new artist. Things are going okay now.

8:34 Cyndi Lauper and Miley Cyrus, together. I think the world just exploded.

8:31 Dang, Urkel can sing!

8:27 A performance if Beatles Music by Cirque du Soleil. Who put the acid in my veggie burger cause I can't tell what the F is going on.

8:24 The Band gets a Lifetime achievement award from Tom Hanks. Which band? Oh, the Band.
8:18 Shut up! Morris Day and the Time? I'm in love! It makes Rhianna almost tolerable.

8:10 Prince. Enough said.

8:06 Carrie Underwood performing Before He Cheats with Stomp (or Stomp wannabes). Again, Stomp has been on every awards show since God invented the awards show. Carrie looks good in a an anti-Winehouse 60's way. Like Nancy Sinatra or Barbarella.

8:01 Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra duet. Kinda creepy and wasn't this done ad naseum in the 90's? She is talented though . . . There's a sort of peacock-ish quality about her outfit tonight. And her boobs are screaming through the peep-hole to be released!

Pre-show thoughts:

• Panic at the Disco! Are very very young men
• Taylor Swift is a living Barbie doll
• Miliey Cyrus needs braces
• Julianna Rancic is painfully dumb